Haiku Friday: The Halfwit Poem & Song

I am ditzy

Behold below the song of a halfwit. It’s part poem. It’s part halfwit. Written by the poetic halfwit of this blog.

Bear in mind we take this all very seriously. And please refer to our haiku Friday section for inspirational support, where you can find notes on how to not find inspiration.

Halfwit: Stanza 1

The halfwit, he doth call. 

Probably because he be rather small.

As short as he most is. 

I wouldn’t exactly call him the bizz.

He no doubt considers himself the shizz.

But I think he is a little shit.

Stanza 2

Doth but what oh. 

Oh but, what doth oh? 

Oh… what but what oh?

Stanza 3

What da fuq u is on bowt? 

I iz buy u a proper bowt.

Now I iz in duh wot wiv duh 2 wiv dem 2 fings wiv 2 ov dem 2 fings.

Stanza 4

Babe, I think rap is shite.

No, I don’t bite.

Sorry for this witty respite. 

Slug 5

babe duh rap iz duh best

coz i are obsess wiv duh brest

uh huh yeh uh huh rap is good

Stanza About Sunsets

Oh my! Look at the red!

I should go and hide in my shed!

No, maybe, in there is a decapitated head.

Crap Buckets


I am covered in pee.

Therefore contradicting thee. 

Rap Song #3000

Uh huh, yeah.

Wot duh fuq?


Rap Song #3001

I like to go to the shop. 

I am not a Disney prop.

Uh huh yeah, mofo. 

Being Dumb

I are like a great big thumb.

Like an invisible bum.

Wot wiv duh aiiiiiiiie. 

Addendum: Halfwit

I know I am full of shite.

Like a great big kite.

Just as well I like Marmite


  1. There’s some really great writing here!
    Yet, I notice you ended the ENTIRE Haiku (it’s not really, it’s more like feeble nursery rhymes)) Spree with Marmite!
    I can’t help but take that as personal spite!

    Liked by 1 person

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