Unemployed or poor? Then it’s your fault! You’re lazy and you need to work harder! Luckily for you, we’re here to help!

After our digital agency name ideas guide, we’re here to take you through the world of business ideas.

Not everyone has got it. Let’s face it, 99% of people are too dumb to run a business.

But with our completely free (as opposed to occasionally free) ideas, you’ll be a millionaire before you can say, “But how do I get the funding for scaling up in the impoverished, recession, and austerity stricken region that I live?”

The Startup Ideas That’ll Make You Filthy Rich

The emphasis here is on filthy rich, FYI. Because you’re already poor and destitute, which means you’re unkempt, unwashed, and smelly.

Once you’re wealthy, you can spruce up a bit.

Plastic Bottle Holder

We all know how annoying it is to hold a one litre plastic water bottle.

Well, with a 1.5 litre plastic water bottle holder with a plastic holder handle, you’ve got a great idea that’ll go far.

App Hats

Like apps? There’s a hat for that! Yeah, that’s it. It’s an app with loads of hat pictures. £20 to sign-up and ideate.

Sheds

Just, you know, sheds. Lots of them. People love sheds. Make sure sheds love you, too.

Atom Bomb Ltd.

This is more of a threatening implement, really, but you go to rich businesses and tell them to give you money. Due to the nuclear weapon you have. Sorted.

Gangrene R’ Us

Replaces Toys R’ Us with the ever popular gangrene. Go to this story, get gangrene. That’s about it. Fun? Nope! Interesting? Kinda!

Scurvy R’ Us

As above, but this time you spend three months in the shop and customers get scurvy. Why would anyone subject themselves to this? The same reasons that folks eat at McDonald’s.

Bin Bag Bob

Makes the best bin bags in the world, out of sheds, scurvy, cement, gangrene extract, and chamomile. Bin Bag Bob’s bin bags are the best! Vote UKIP!

Disclaimer

After a busy week, we couldn’t be bothered writing more than this.

Please note, we’ll be back later to make this post more interesting than it currently is!