Yodelling at Work: How to Manage Employee Falsettos

An office setting with laptops, paper, pens, and employees discussing work
“You see, Mike, if we delineate within the spheres of ideation, we’ll be able to yodel between meetings.”

There comes a time in any business’s life when some staff members will insist on yodelling. This can be bad for productivity because of the level of noise it creates.

However, due to the Yodelling Act 2010, until recently you had to respect the rights of your employees who wished to yodel on your premises.

However, you can now challenge this employee right with the new Exclusion of Certain Singing Types Vaguery Act 2021. This was introduced in January.

As this has created a complex and confusing situation, our guide explains the fine line between the two Acts. Here’s what you need to know.

Business Guide to Yodelling at Work

As this has created a complex situation about singing at work, our guide explains the fine line between the two Acts.

The Yodelling Act 2010

This was introduced in 2010 following the 2009 demonstrations and riots by pro-yodel aficionados.

During the terrible troubles, a dozen yodelling enthusiasts tragically lost their voices.

Under pressure from human rights groups, the Act came about to ensure employees could yodel at specific times during the working day to slake their yodel-based desires.

However, this upset many SMEs and enterprise-level businesses due to the sudden rise in noise pollution.

The response was to lobby hard with the government to enforce stricter measures, banning the practice of yodelling at work for good.

What’s delivered as a compromise is a hodgepodge of indecision, a 2021 Act that muddies the waters and leaves business and staff uncertain of their standing.

Exclusion of Certain Singing Types Vaguery Act 2021

The Act stipulates some forms of singing are now banned from working environments. Section 437 (c) states:

“Singing isn’t to be encouraged at work, but some instances of quieter mutterances are acceptable in the form of:

  • Low-key pop ditties.
  • Acappella (two persons or less).
  • Hits from The Beatles.
  • Quieter segments from classical opera.
  • Miming.
  • Air drumming.

Do note, it’s the business’s choice to determine regulations surrounding more boisterous forms of singing at work. Such as:

  • Full scale opera (such as that Pavarotti ‘Vincerò!’ bit from Nessun Dorma).
  • Drumming on desks and/or walls.
  • Rapping.
  • Yodelling.

In the event of the problem areas listed above, you must act in the best interests of your business.

If this means shooting one of your employees with a shotgun, then so be it.”

These regulations have created a split between businesses, with those supporting the ban on certain singing, whereas others wish their staff to express themselves however they desire.

However, it’s also been determined 7% of businesses have no opinion one way or the other.

This has led the government to consider a new Act revolving around apathy, which may be introduced as the Indifference Towards Yodelling Act 2021.

Your Stance on Yodelling at Work

Whilst confusion reigns, it’s good business practice to follow your heart. For example:

  • If you’re a sociopathic weirdo of a boss, then do whatever the deranged voices in your head tell you.
  • If you have a liberal-leaning, perhaps consider using spud guns instead of shotguns to shoot annoying employees.
  • If you’re indifferent, ignore all issues and allow your business to fester into a toxic working environment. Ignorance is bliss.

The government is set to merge the Yodelling Act 2010 and Exclusion of Certain Singing Types Vaguery Act 2021 next year.

Guidelines suggest the Exclusion of Yodelling & Other Types of Singing At Work (etc.) Act 2022 will provide a definitive take on this matter.

This should bring about a resolution on one of the most contentious workplace controversies in recent years.

We spoke with an employee at a SaaS company in London. Hamish McYodel (we’ve invented this name to protect his anonymity) told us:

“All I want to do is design websites for a living while yodelling to my heart’s content. I can’t see what the fuss has been all about. My last employer wouldn’t even let me arrive at work in the morning having a yodel to gee up my spirits! Now I’m much happier in my new role, as we’re a team of 20 and we all love yodelling! It’s fantastic! Although the business in the opposite office hates yodelling and keep calling us nasty names. Let’s just hope the 2022 Act clears everything up for everyone.”

Conversely, a CEO at a fast food restaurant told us:

“It’s bloody horrendous! All day the staff are bloody yodelling! My customers come in and complain about the bloody noise and all I can do is bloody well apologise. It’s ruining my reputation! The locals call the restaurant Yodelling Yobs! I’m just trying to bloody serve bloody burgers and fries for a bloody living, why do my staff keep threatning me with the bloody Equality Act 2010 and the bloody Yodelling Act 2010 to try and make a point!? I can’t even sack the annoying bastards! It’s PC gone bloody mad!”

Again, remember to take a positive stance on this matter so all of your employees are included in your decision (such as if you decide to fire everyone and hire mutes in their place).

13 comments

  1. I understand this dilemma. I have a friend who yodels. As she was born in Switzerland, she feels entitled to burst out with it whenever the mood strikes. This is quite often, usually out in public places and embarrassing for me. She appears not to care one whit.
    It really is a very Shakespearean issue. To yodel, or not to yodel.

    Liked by 1 person

      • Or toddlers. Years ago I worked in a tower block with a creche about 7 floors below. Every so often they’d let the kidlets out to hurtle around a patio area at Mach = 3, all emitting sound at the same frequency and volume as a ‘room clearing’ screecher alarm. One kid, who apparently wanted to be a fire siren when he grew up, was particularly audible, all the way up the tower block and through the sealed windows. The main problem was less the noise as office discussion in the lifts about ‘siren boy’, inadvertently when one of siren boy’s parents was using the same lift…

        Liked by 1 person

        • Cripes, kids screeching isn’t good for me at all. One has tinnitus so need to protect one’s eardrums. Anyway, I hope the kid realised his dream and is now a full-time fire siren. Good work, if you can get it.

          Liked by 1 person

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