Exclusive Invention: The Teapot Washing Machine

A blue teapot with herbal tea in its centre
Don’t mix your colours!

As big tea drinkers, we recently thought of an idea to combine the world of herbal tea consumption with washing our clothes.

Then it struck us. What if we combined a giant teapot with a washing machine? Yes. It’s the answer to your brew and clothes-washing dreams!

What’s the Teapot Washing Machine?

It’s a giant washing teapot that also doubles up as a washing machine for your clothes (including your underpants).

When not brewing up a satisfying cup of three ginger tea, you can stuff your soiled underpants into the contraption to put it on a medium wash at 40 degrees. Don’t forget the conditioner.

We’ve trialed this device and are now pushing for a Q3 2021 launch.

The response from specimens in our trial centre was positive. This is the feedback from our office apprentice:

“I washed my old socks in an economic cycle and then had a cup of Earl Grey afterwards. Despite the violent taste of harsh non bio laundry tablets and lemon conditioner, it was a proper belting cup of tea. Three hours later I vomited violently for the evening in a, probably unrelated, bout of sickness.”

Our other specimens reported similar joy with the whole shebang. Highlights include:

  • The joy of being able to wash one’s clothes and then have a brew from the leftover wash cycle water.
  • The unique aftertaste of a brew lightly infused with refreshing laundry tablets and conditioner.
  • The unusual burning sensation from one’s gut.
  • Those strange red lines appearing across your eyes.
  • Copious amounts of vomiting cleansing one’s system in a free detox.

The product will hit the market at £3,000 and includes a complimentary doily.

Fitting the Teapot Washing Machine Into Your Home

The contraption is quite enormous and difficult to manouvre into your home.

You may need to demolish several walls (and your front door) to fit it snugly into your washing machine area.

The spout of the teapot washing machine is the biggest issue. Whilst maneuvering it into our office, it clobbered our apprentice around the head and knocked him out.

Also, we then jammed it into our utility room and it smashed a part of the sidewall away and broke our immersion heater.

After this our esteemed editor, Mr. Wapojif, decided he’d prefer it in the centre of our breakout area.

Whilst maneuvering the monstrosity, the Professional Moron staff suffered several broken limbs and a bout of scurvy (the latter may not be attributable to the teapot washing machine).

Upon making a cup of tea from the device, Mr. Wapojif than announced the contraption to be “subpar” and demanded it be returned to the utility closet.

This resulted in further shattered limbs, rendering the office barely able to work for the rest of the day.

What did our leader say to us of this unfortunate development?

He sneered down at us and called the lot of us “precious snowflakes”. Indeed.


Dispense with some gibberish!

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