It’s good business practice to ensure your business understands the value of hard work, working hard, being hardworking, and success.

Working hard is what ensures success. Never mind working smart, or luck, and pre-existing privilege providing an enormous advantage. It’s all about hard work.

Jeff Bezos? He worked hard. Harder than you! Poverty-stricken Bob in Burnley working three jobs at once but it’s still not enough to cover bills, food, and rent? Lazy!

As such, you need to instil in your employees the fear of not working hard. And this guide will ensure everyone works hard, to ensure hard work is what keeps people working harder.

What Constitutes “Hard Work” in the Workplace?

Under the Working Hard at Work Act 1972, hard work is defined on page one as:

“Working to the extent perspiration can be seen gathering amongst employees’ foreheads, armpits, and buttocks. True hard work should lead to stress, desperation, disillusionment, burnout, and existential dismay.

However, before staff go all Myth of Sisyphus on you, make sure you are paying them a below average wage to ensure their hard work is not rewarded particularly well. But, at least, they will not succumb to starvation.”

In short, hard work at work is about employees working hard for your business.

As the employer, this is what you pay them to do. And if they’re not working harder than hard, then they’re not worth the just above minimum wage salary you graciously proliferate to them!

Is Working Hard Really the Answer?

Yes! Of course it is, you lazy communist swine! Think of the famous mantra, “Work hard and you’ll succeed.”

Capitalism is full of such useful little soundbites to ensure you can breeze over the complexity of situations and ignore the unpleasant reality. Especially if you’re wealthy and don’t want to acknowledge the luck of your situation. Here are a few more:

• Luck is for losers!
• The early bird catches the worm.
• If you’re poor you should work harder.
• If you want it, you’ll succeed.

Definitive proof, right there, that anyone who isn’t a billionaire is just a lazy bastard. After all, Donald Trump once bragged:

“Hard work is my personal method for financial success.”

See? Donald Trump’s success had nothing at all to do with relying on the tens of millions of dollars he had easy access to from his father’s coffers. It was all down to Trump Jnr.’s hard work (and, by extension, the hard work of his father). And brilliance (don’t forget the brilliance).

Now, while that may make it seem this “work hard” mantra capitalists reel off appears like specious reasoning… it isn’t.

Sure, bleating on and on and on and on about “working hard” and “hard work” sounds a bit like an economic system in chronic denial over its glaringly obvious inequalities and inconsistencies, but if you blame inequality on laziness and “not working hard” then that’s an easy cop out for everyone.

Because unless you work hard, you won’t achieve anything. You’ll just be a communist. So, work hard and prosper. Because working hard always results in success.

Unless you’re one of the 27,000 businesses who shut down after the 2008 recession in the UK. But then that was probably because they were lazy. If they’d worked harder, they’d still be open.

Or look at the hundreds of millions of people worldwide who work their assess off for scant reward, because the harder working people at the top hoard the money for themselves.

But then that’s because there are just hundreds of millions of lazy people. Make sure your business doesn’t employ any of them!

How to Make Sure You Hire Hard Working People

To weed out any communists or socialists during your hiring process, first ask them this opening question:

“What do you think about hard work?”

If they immediately vomit on the floor, start weeping, and opine over a three day working week and greater wealth distribution for all… you’ve got a commie. Boot them out of the hiring process ASAP.

Lazy liberals aren’t what make for a successful business. You need hard workers!

So, this means you should only hire job candidates willing to work at least 100 hours a week with at least 30 hours of unpaid overtime.

Remember, they should feel an astonishing sense of privilege to work for your business. You’re paying to keep them just above the poverty line! They should be thankful!

And if they’re that poor, well… they can just work harder!

Sure, you could pay them more for helping to make you rich… but why do that? Your situation is down to you being hardworking and more harder working than everyone else.

And that means you deserve all the cash. Because you worked hard. And no one else did. Because most people are really communists and PC, lefty society has led to the denigration of our hard work ethic!

Are You Sure This “Work Hard” Mantra Isn’t Specious Reasoning?

Look, it may seem for all the world that late stage capitalism is severely flawed and provides a capricious time of it. But luck is for losers!

Work hard and you’ll succeed! That sort of mindless individualism will ensure you only focus on your journey towards success.

So, when you inevitably succeed (as hard work always leads to success), then you can ignore your luck and privilege to rightfully sneer down at those around you as feckless and lazy.

Indeed. What you need is hard work.

And so here are five steps to ensure you work hard, and your staff works harder, and your business becomes the most hard working organization on planet Earth (and the universe):

1. Work hard (a given).
2. Ignore all of the many indicators that working life is about much more than working your ass off like a lunatic.
3. Take a lot of drugs, so you can work even harder (cocaine is good) as 24/7 shifts should be more than possible IF YOU WANT TO SUCCEED.
4. Pay yourself way more than everyone else to an alarming degree (even the ones who work harder than you) to back up your self-worth.
5. Work with other workaholics to ensure your personal mission of working harder is motivation to spur on further working hardness and making it harder. And if that doesn’t make sense, you’re not working hard enough!

And don’t forget, once you become successful because of your hard work, swagger about like an arrogant bellend accusing everyone else of laziness.

After all, working hard doesn’t take any empathy. It just takes a psychotic relentlessness to endure mental anguish in pursuit of money. That’s the joy of big business capitalism for you.