Get away from it all, by getting out of it all! At Weird Wendy’s, one can enter a getaway extravaganza to Scunthorpe to become as sloshed as one is posh.
But even if one is not a toff, wend one’s merry way down to our beautiful venue located right next to the inspiring M181 motorway!
There’s even a service station nearby if one needs to take a leak before one arrives! Do not forget to buy some Ferrero Rocher whilst there!
So, bring out one’s inner oenophile! As oenophilia is not a nasty disease, if one was wondering, it is merely a chance to become inebriated in a classy fashion.
Getting Wild With Wine
Wine. Is there a more evocative word in the English dictionary?
Sure, perhaps apocalypse, gangrene, and scurvy. Or some merger of words, like:
“Hellish, gangrenous injury due to hobbling via sledgehammer.”
But what’s that got to do with a relaxing wine getaway in the murky region of Scunthorpe? Nothing! There’s no gangrene here, unless you slip, fall, bust an ankle, and leave it unattended. But why would one ever do that?
Well, perhaps as one is wasted at our event, where getting as inebriated as possible is the name of the game!
All one has to do is book into Weird Wendy’s Wild Wine Tasting Getaway via postal system. That’s right, we do not have a website!
Just send the preferred date of one’s holiday to us on a 1st class stamped envelope:
Weird Wendy’s Wild Wine Tasting Getaway,
PO Box 10101,
1 Alien Invasion St,
United Kingdom of Superiority.
We will endeavour to respond to you within two working weeks!
Do Not Forget One’s FREE Bag of Crisps
Remember, if one books with a party of 12 or more people, one will get ONE bag of cheese and onions crisps COMPLETELY FREE!
Book with 24 or more people and one will get TWO bags of cheese and onions crisps COMPLETELY FREE!
However, one can still buy bags of crisps from our venue even if there are 11 or less (fewer?) of one. The crisps are free! Except not completely, as there is a 50 pence charge per packet.
One is most welcome to pay by cheque, as we are a boomer friendly environment!
Also shillings, thruppence, farthings, coppers, pennies, and half crowns, and sixpences are most welcome amongst our glorious coffers!
Getting Wasted at Wendy’s
Upon one’s arrival at our venue, one is greeted by a blaring trumpet fanfare. As above.
Red carpet shall be rolled forth and one shall receive a series of butlers, an equerry per person, and one shall be escorted over for immediate wine tasting.
This will begin with relish! And enforced at gunpoint and on pain of evisceration (this is the “weird” bit of the experience—CEO Wendy is a complete, bloodthirsty psychopath).
One must then wine taste until drunk and unable to walk.
If one, or any of one’s party, fails to get wasted, then they shall be catapulted from a catapult into the air where the individual shall then thud violently into the ground. Severe injury is most certain!
However, if one indulges in the event as expected then all will be jolly and fun!
As one staggers out of the wine tasting area, one will be escorted back to one’s vehicle, where one is able to (drunkenly) attempt to drive home*.
One will likely only reach a distance of 100 yards before crashing one’s vehicle and rolling the thing over.
Do note, any damage to Weird Wendy’s Wild Wine Tasting Getaway property will result in an immediate lawsuit!
*Please note, drink driving is highly irresponsible and dangerous and one will perform this at one’s own risk.