The Eton mess is a messy dessert. Unlike, say, spotted dick or arctic roll, it needs to get its act in order.

The traditional pudding is an upper class delight, hailing from the minds of the wealthy to laud their superiority over commoners.

These days, even working class scumbags can get their hands on the stuff down the local Tesco. What’s happened to the world!? Back in my day, people knew their place!

What’s Eton Mess?

It’s a meringue, whipped cream, and berry dessert that’s typically served in a glass. The berry of choice is, of course, usually strawberries.

Sometimes ice cream is also added into the mix.

It’s become a famous number in England. Iconic in its traditional stance of basic ingredients but in a pleasant deliver.

And, yeah, it’s a tasty dessert! Not one that really played a part in our childhood. That was more arctic roll than anything else.

But nonetheless, we can’t deny that Eton mess (that rhymed, you see?) has an unshakeable place in the pantheon of British desserts.

The History of Eton Mess

It’s believed, as the legend goes, the dessert was invented during a cricket match at Eton college in the 1920s.

Apparently, one fine sunny day, there was a strawberry pavlova in a picnic basket and a playful Labrador accidentally sat on it.

Despite being demolished by the dog’s behind, the cricketers later ate the dessert anyway and jolly well enjoyed it, too! Tally bally ho!

Does it get anymore British than that? No. No, it does not.

We should imagine that spiffing day played out a little something like this. Just with cricket bats instead of tennis.

Eton College has the reputation for being a bit of a toff paradise. As in, overprivileged rich kids (usually Tories) study there.

They then become politicians and ruin society (for everyone except the already wealthy and privileged) with measures such as austerity and cost of living crises.

All while sneering down at the scumbag commoners and all that.

To put this into perspective, 20 British prime ministers went to Eton College. Including the present one, Boris Johnson, who whilst there allegedly burnt a £50 note in front of a homeless person as a prank. He denies the allegation.

Although, we should note, other Conservatives have been noted to do this to homeless people. One young student did so with £20 a few years ago—he later apologised once the press descended on him.

However, Johnson is a PM who also allegedly spent £27,000 on organic food deliveries during the pandemic. Incidentally, that’s 108 times more than the 1% pay rise newly qualified nurses got with the NHS. And more than the average income for people in England.

Although, again, the Tories deny that allegation.

However, this is the Tories who’ve just come out of yet another cronyism and sleaze scandal in the second half of 2021.

Oh, and just this week Johnson was caught outright lying (again) as he and the Tory party broke the national lockdown rules they imposed in May 2020 with several parties.

But Johnson is only likely going to have to resign in disgrace. It’s okay, though, he said he didn’t realise he was at a party! Another magnificent line to join the likes of, “The wrong type of snow.”

But, tally bally ho, that’s why we’ve just had 11 years of austerity after all!

With the Tory rule since 2010 having been so disastrous for the UK, the left-wing press has regularly used the term “Eton mess” to describe the party’s attempts at governing the country.

Good old Eton mess! It’s let us point out the odious corruption of the Tories. Once again.

But as for the dessert, it doesn’t have the upper class image to it anymore.

Kind of like with cucumber sandwiches and their status in the past, these desserts are now available to one and all.

You can buy it in most supermarkets and all that. Or… you can have a go at making your own version! Hurray!

How to Make Eton Mess

Phwoah. Here he is again. It’s Hottest Man Alive, dreamboat, hunky, swoon worthy chef superstar Jamie Oliver.

Well, him aside the ingredients you’ll need are:

2 large egg whites
120g of caster sugar
500g strawberries
450ml of double cream
1 tablespoon of icing sugar

There are much simpler versions of this recipe, too, including basically adding together whipped cream, some strawberries, and jam.

Make of it what you will, it’s all a tasty dessert. Enjoy, you upper class fool, you!