Welcome to Psycho Ken’s, the world’s BEST cooking oil recovery team!
Whenever you cook with cooking oil to make deep fried mars bars or scotch eggs, our team is ALWAYS on hand to recover said oil through any means necessary. Yes, even through cold blooded murder!
So, give us a ring today and we’ll hurtle on down to your establishment to save the oil, save the planet, and maybe spare your life. All for DISCOUNT rates!
Cooking? We’ll Recover Your Oil
Did you know that when your establishment cooks oil it can be recycled? For sustainability, this is a glorious hallmark of continuation excellence.
And Psycho Ken’s Cooking Oil Recovery Team are experts!
Just give us a ring and a team of 30 will arrive within the hour decked out in full hazmat suits, ready to suck all the used cooking oil off your premises with vacuum cleaners.
We’ll cordon off a half mile exclusion zone around your restaurant to ensure public safety.
And our CEO, Psycho Ken, will mercilessly attack anyone who dares venture beyond the zone! Seriously, he’ll hack them to bits with an axe. He’s a psychopath, what do you expect?
What Does Psycho Ken’s Do With The Recycled Cooking Oil?
Most cooking oil recovery teams heat, clean, and filter the substance and use it as a source of renewable energy.
Not at Psycho Ken’s. We’re innovators. Trailblazers. We push the boundaries of business and have created a side hustle that benefits all of society.
Yes, that’s right. We syphon it all into Psycho Ken’s Leisure Centre Ltd. and pump it out into our 30ft by 40ft swimming pool!
Local residents just LOVE splishing, splashing, and sploshing in the malodorous gunk. And only 13 people have drowned in the last six months!
Psycho Ken’s Certified Psychopathic Pledge
Psycho Ken is a certified lunatic, but he has the public’s best interests at heart.
He’s pledged to do some really, really, really psychotic things if you don’t recycle your cooking oil! Here are just a few of his berserk promises:
- Start a war with the Himalayas mountain range.
- Grow a monobrow.
- Train hamsters to nip random strangers.
- Invent cheese flavoured mouthwash.
It’s highly recommended you complete your business dealings with Psycho Ken by spending as much money as possible.
The last thing we need is a war with an entire Asian mountain range.
So, get your cooking oil recycled today!
Then why not visit Psycho Ken’s Leisure Centre Ltd. for a refreshing swim in the cooking oil you were using to fry fish & chips mere hours earlier!?
You’d be an utterly psychotic, oily bastard to turn down the offer!
Professional Moron 
Any chance we get a Psycho Ken’s Leisure Centre Ltd. branch here in Brazil?
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Don’t you mean Brasil, sir? I’m in discussions with Psycho Ken right now. His immediate response was drooling. That may, or may not, be good news.
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Indeed, I apologize for the slip-up. Brasil with a Z is for savages and uncultured folks, which both you and I certainly aren’t.
As for Psycho Ken, I am sure he is processing the pros and cons of the venture while he drools.
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Psycho Ken demands to meet you in Piccadilly Gardens. DEMANDS! Consider it casual and all that. Reet proper. Fisticuffs – the most important human male thing!
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I will let you know when I get there. It might take a while, though.
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Mwahahaa! Actually, we’ve just had a massive storm here. I don’t think anyone can walk because of the winds. Be ‘eck!
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I’m very possessive of my cooking oil. It’s great for the skin and esp sunning beside the pool. I also keep a rain barrel full when I feel like a complete oil based shower. I’m very slippery but a drawback I can live with.
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Lady, from what I can tell you’re from America. Is correct? So, as an American, you should not have “rain barrel”. You should have a superyacht. As such, I suggest you store the aforementioned oil in your superyacht. And be possessive about that as those things ain’t cheap!
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Oh yes, I often forget about the yacht. I’m sailing to Brazil this summer. Yay
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Why Brazil? Why not Skegness?
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That’s Brasil!
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I think you’re getting confused with São Paulo.
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Yes! I’d like to take advantage of Psycho Ken’s offer! Send him and his team to my house immediately. Does he deal with used engine oil also? I can probably supply some of that too.
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Most excellent news, sir! We trust and respect your conduct in relation to this expenditure. Please send us NZ $40,000 as an initial opening fee. This is merely to clear your status. We certainly won’t take the money are do a runner. Why would you think that? No, it’s your own personal splendiferousness. Tautology and all.
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I shall write a cheque immediately!
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Mwahahaa!
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