Leaning at Work: The Laws on Casually Sloping Employees

A cartoon example banning leaning in certain areas at work
Should this be tolerated?

Leaning at work is one of the contested actions any employee can perform. At once, it a lean can show either staggering impertinence. Or self-assured confidence at work.

Depending on how you view leaning depends on how much of a complete maniac you are. If you’re a control freak, it’s bad. A bit more relaxed? Leaning for everyone!

Like slippers in the workplace, it’s a tough balancing act to get right.

As such, let’s explore this controversial topic and when it’s appropriate to enter into a more sloping position at work.

The Laws on Leaning at Work

One of the great arguments for sloping employees at work is the Leaning Tower of Pisa, a hallmark of leaning excellence.

However, the argument against it is that it remains the laziest building in the world.

The Leaning at Work Act 1974 attempted to quantify with qualitative and quantitative logic both sides of the argument:

“From both standpoints, the Leaning Tower of Pisa is testament to the power of a good old lean. A well-timed lean is satisfying and can assist with productivity due to said satisfaction and slaked lean-based desires.

Yet, poorly timed leans can result in feckless slacking and workplace injury.

As such, it’s your duty of care as an employer to manage every single lean that takes place on your property.”

Accompanying The Leaning at Work Act 1974 was a study into 37,000 employees where leaning was a possibility at work.

35,431 commented they found leaning to be a welcome option in their working environment. One, Barry from Bolton (a builder), said in 1974:

“I like a good old lean, me. It’s proper beltin’! With me brew and me digestive biscuits, a lean makes my day complete. Without it… well, I’d probably fall to bits. Literally. I’d be dead within a week, I reckon.”

However, after an employee accidentally leaned off a 20 storey (217 feet) building during a lunch break in August 1975, the Act was updated to The Leaning at Work (Miscellaneous) Act 1976.

The employee was a renowned leaner, with managers documenting he’d often wrack up 10-20 minutes of leaning per working day.

The amended Act moved to qualify such gargantuan amounts of leaning to be dangerous and illegal, banning in excess of 10 minutes of work-based leaning per working day.

The unintended consequence of this amendment was en masse workplace rioting.

It’s believed the entire town of Preston of Lancashire went up in a ball of flames due to the outrage over the decision.

The result was a further amendment and the launch of The Leaning at Work (Miscellaneous) Act 1977. In this update, work-based leaning limits were adjusted to 11 minutes per working day.

After a further set of riots, The Leaning at Work (Miscellaneous) Act 1978 adjusted the total to 15 minutes.

To further calm entitled, lunatic employees, many employers installed leaning posts into their working environments.

This resulted in no more rioting, but much more leaning.

Leaning at Work in the Modern Era

Due to a more progressive society since the 1970s, many employers now actively encourage employees to lean as much as they desire.

The Leaning Equality Act 2010 ensured this would be the case, for the likes of pregnant employees who need to lean for up to 30 minutes at a time.

Employers looking to fully accommodate for keen leaners should add these features to their workplace:

  • Leaning posts.
  • Lots and lots of walls.
  • Other employees (if said employees don’t mind being touched).
    • Do note, employees randomly leaning on colleagues can result in harassment claims and/or unexpected workplace romances.
    • For the latter, workplace romances can result in flirting at work, canoodling, and reduced productivity. It is best to stop such outcomes. Use brute force, such as threats of hobbling.
  • Large docile walruses and/or elephants.

All of the above are ideal for leaning on objects. As in, employees leaning whilst standing.

However, it can really hit the fan when it comes to staff members leaning back in their chairs.

This is a totally different arena of leaning-based regulation, which many business owners find so terrifying in complexity they weep upon sight of an office chair.

Leaning in Chairs at Work—The Horrifying Verdict

Leaning back in a chair at work is a sackable offence under The Leaning Back in Chairs at Work Act 1972.

The Act was introduced in an attempt to curb this depraved activity, which in 1971 resulted in 334,956 workplace injuries (including 334 fatalities).

Death by chair at work is caused by the employee losing their balance, plunging backwards, and decapitating themselves.

Many more suffer from concussion and/or whiplash

It’s your duty of care as an employer to ensure ALL of your office chairs don’t have leaning back functionality. The Act states on page 14 of 545, section 37.A:

“For the love of God, do NOT use those chairs where staff can lean really, really far back. It is noted as the most dangerous workplace activity any human being can perform. Above even going into space. Astronauts leaning back in their space chairs have been known to plunge out of the craft, back into the Earth’s atmosphere, and on to their doom. Do not allow it. Do not tolerate it. Sack anyone who dares try it!”

You should hire a workplace chair monitor to ensure no one performs said activity.

If caught performing a chair-based lean, you should instruct your chair monitor to hobble the offenders with a steel sledgehammer.

Dispense with some gibberish!

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