Agony Aunt: “My hubby hates being called ‘hubby’!”

A married couple linking arms at a wedding
Hubby and wifey in action.

Pet names are common with married couples, non-married couples, and people who have pets and need to name them.

Hubby and wifey is quite a common example of this. But for some human males, the mere thought of being called “hubby” can result in arguments and finger pointing.

As such, should human females be pursuing this vocalisation option? We explore this topic in today’s most pertinent feature.

Should You Call Your Husband “Hubby”?

Dear Agony Aunt. My name is Angela. I married my hubby, Dave, in December 2021 and it was a splendid day! But now we're arguing regularly. Like, all the time. He keeps pointing his finger at me, wagging it, and yelling. 

It turned out he has issues with being called "hubby", which I think is a lovely and cute name and it shows I love him.

He says it's demeaning and suggestive of me being a "halfwit". 

I said he was being "mean and illogical" and that just led to more finger wagging and yelling. 

Now, I consider myself a strong character. Obstinate, even. My mother always told me to stick to my guns, so I have decided to keep calling him "hubby". Because he is my hubby. And I think he's being super childish in not acknowledging that it's just a bit of fun! What do you think? Yours, Angela 

P.S. Since typing the above email we have had another blazing row, in a restaurant, when I said to the waiter, "My hubby doesn't like the prices here!"

Well my hubby snapped at that and yelled, "I can speak for myself, bitch!" And then I burst into tears, and then there was a big scene and the waiter asked us to leave. And I've refused to speak to hubby until he accepts this pet name which is cute and fun and he's a stupid fuddy-duddy.

Hi there, Angela. If your husband has an issue with “hubby”, then perhaps consider using a different pet name.

There’s no point destroying your life in the name of calling him “hubby”. We have to side with your hubby, as it’s a bit… you know. Predictable. Demeaning? Not so much, just very bloody irritating like you’re a bit sickly sweet, you know?

Add some bloodcurdling edge to proceedings with a pet name such as:

  • Human male
  • Hairy bastard
  • Stupid silly billy bastard
  • Malodorous bastard
  • Bastard
  • Stupid fuddy-duddy
  • Diddums features
  • Egor the Odorous

As you can see, we think pet names should evolve to a state where they’re less nauseating, you know? With some brutality involved, you can keep your relationship sharp and on edge.

Check out the Name of the Year awards for some extra inspiration, too.

Basically, inject more terror into your marriage. Wander around with an axe, belittle your hubby at every opportunity, and show him you’re boss.

None of this twee pet name stuff, okay?

We mean insults. Real back breaking insults that’ll demoralise him and make him less of a man with each passing day.

“Less of a man. More of a can.”

That should be your motto. Capeesh?! Good! Or you could just call him by his first name, you know? Dave has a decent ring to it. Up to you, really.

6 comments

Dispense with some gibberish!

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