Professional Moron’s 10th Anniversary Celeb Tribute Special!

Fireworks celebrating a major event
Celebrate, dammit!

Hurray! It’s Professional Moron’s 10th anniversary! And the A list world of celebrities and influencers couldn’t stop reaching out to us with messages of congratulations!

They just… wouldn’t… stop… flooding… in! It took us days to write them… we mean, round them all up. Behold!

Celebrities Celebrate Professional Moron

We’ve rounded up the very best for you below. Some amazing names there, eh? It’s a good ego exercise for us. You gotta showboat sometimes! Enjoy.

Genghis Khan

Genghis Khan on some money

“Kharaach! Mergeshsen Möröngiin gaikhamshigt erkhem! Bi chinii tolgoig biyees chini tasdaj, gert chini gal tavij, yag l manik shig nütsgen gaslan uilj baina. Ene bol minii arvan jiliin oin ulamjlalt bayar yum. Saikhan amraarai! Bi aldryn nereer delkhiig baildan daguulj baigaa ene bol chinii süülchiinkh baikh bolno! Ahahahahahaaaa!”

Translated, we believe the above means: “Behold! Mighty excellence of the Professional Moron! I slice your head from your body, set fire to your home, and prance about nude wailing like a total maniac. This is my traditional tenth anniversary celebration. Enjoy it! It will be your last, as I conquer the world in the name of glory! Ahahahahahaaaa!”

Keith Moon & Oliver Reed

Keith Moon and Oliver Reed hugging and having a drink

Keith Moon and Oliver Reed had their, respective, agents get in touch with us.

They informed us the pair did write a congratulatory message, by drunkenly predicting events from the 1970s.

However, this note was blown to smithereens by Moon and, as such, we can’t get our hands onto whatever it is they said.

Beelzebub

Beelzebub

We received a rather pleasant poem from Satan. He titled it Rampant Death and this is how it goes:

Death!
Death to you all,
Death at the afternoon ball,
Death at your lemonade stall,
Death at your nearest town hall,
Death is here to get your rubber ball,
Death will make you wear a really nice new shawl. 

Erm… yeah. Cheers for that, Beelzebub, we’ll frame it and stick it on a wall.

King Henry VIII

King Henry VIII

England’s GREATEST ever King was on hand to pour… scorn and vitriol onto Professional Moron. Oh well, constructive criticism and all that!

We were hoping to get knighted, but it looks like he’s more hellbent on beheading us. Just as well he’s dead and not in power anymore!

Santa Claus

Santa Claus
It’s Santa!

“It disgusts me I have to write for these bastards each year. I’m sick to death of them and they should be shut down.”

Santa was abducted by aliens recently, but took time out of his schedule to leave us the above heart warming message.

Medusa

Medusa's snake head

Medusa kept wanting to turn up in person to congratulate us. She sent us this message:

“I really want to meet you in person, look you in the eyes, and thank you personally. Eye contact is super important to me. I won’t have it any other way, I’m afraid.”

We were about to invite her over when our apprentice pointed out Medusa’s gaze, famously, turns people into a scone.

We politely rejected her request, to which she sent many barbed insults and hisses back. Anger management issues right there.

8 comments

  1. Amazing celebrity endorsements you got! And congrats on ten years. On a side note, if I had the choice of employer, I’d prefer to work for Genghis over Henry VIII. At least you knew where you were with Genghis as long as you were loyal to the guy.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. That’s only 7 celebs? However getting the dead, the myth people and cartoons to participate is quite the feat.
    I must say Beelzebub is looking rather cool this year.
    In contrast to his eloquent Death poem, I have written this special anniverse – sorry poem.

    Ahem!

    LIVID LIFE

    Life to to you all
    Life in a fur ball
    Life in a stinky urinal
    Life in a can of forbidden aerosol
    Life crushing you up against a wall
    Life after that means you will only crawl
    Life is efil backwards, you ignorant fowl.

    Liked by 1 person

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