Invention: Piano Jones the Indiana Jones Themed Piano

Piano Jones the Indiana Jones piano
[Insert theme tune music]
If you love Indiana Jones as much as the next mongoose, here’s your dream come true! It’s the Piano Jones instrument!

Yes! It’s a piano with a giant Indiana Jones hat atop of it!

Better yet, when you play the piano, instead of pelting out beautiful music, it plays snappy dialogue by Harrison Ford from the movies! Isn’t that just the best thing ever, kid!?

Make Beautiful Music With the Voice of Indiana Jones, Kid!

Whether your favourite is Temple of Doom or Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, every discerning Indiana Jones fan will want a Piano Jones.

At only £1,000 ($2,000), you can install this gorgeous piano into your mansion, bungalow, dingy flat, or bedsit.

And upon delivery, there’s a nifty surprise… our burly delivery crew will ALL be dressed as Indiana Jones! Even the really fat ones with their hairy butt cleavage on display whenever they bend over!

But, of course, what you really want to do is get playing. And guess what? Harrison Ford flat-out REFUSED to star in our YouTube video series guiding you through the piano basics.

So, we got Mrs. Smith from the local choir to do it instead.

Watch in awe as this 93 year old takes you through basics of Für Elise, Claire de lune, Primavera, and Chopsticks! All transformed by Ford’s mellifluous baritones so all you’ll hear is:

  • “Look at this. It’s worthless — ten dollars from a vendor in the street. But I take it, I bury it in the sand for a thousand years, it becomes priceless. Like the Ark.”
  • “Nazis. I hate these guys.”
  • “You and I are very much alike. Archaeology is our religion, yet we have both fallen from the pure faith. Our methods have not differed as much as you pretend. I am but a shadowy reflection of you. It would take only a nudge to make you like me. To push you out of the light.”
  • “Dad, we’re well out of range.” (car explodes)
  • “That belongs in a museum!”—”So do you!”

Sweet music to the ears of anyone who’s spent far too much time watching these films!

Legal Disclaimer: About Our Burly Delivery Men Dressed as Indiana Jones

Please note, whilst our burly delivery men work you mustn’t approach them to ask for an autograph.

They are not Harrison Ford.

Repeat, he refused to have anything to do with this project and he’s actually threatening us with legal action as we type.

We tried to make a joke out of it and said no one was around to Witness (1985) his allegations, but it fell on deaf ears.

And so we settled with calling him a stuck-up, half-witted, scruffy-looking nerf herder.

Following this altercation, he’s added slander to the list of charges he’s imposing against us. We deny all accusations.

Anyway, please leave the burly delivery men alone and they’ll install the Piano Jones with the minimum of damage to your property.

Should you object to any dents into walls caused whilst manoeuvring the enormous piano, they may well whip you mercilessly. You have been warned.

When in the wild, burly delivery men are best left alone to work in peace. Especially ones dressed as Harrison Ford in Indiana Jones. Otherwise they get moody.

And you don’t want moody burly delivery men. The hairy butt cleavage is already difficult enough to deal with.

2 comments

Dispense with some gibberish!

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