SUGAR FLAKES are made from delicious and highly addictive sugar! Our mascot Henry the Hippo loves them! Here’s his brilliant motto.
That’s often accompanied by stampeding and chronic flatulence, ensuring the breakfast experience of SUGAR FLAKES and hippos makes for the greatest thing since sliced bread!
Get All the NUTRITION You Need to Stay Alive With SUGAR FLAKES
Do you struggle with chronic lethargy, mood swings, and obvious sugar withdrawal? Then you need more sugar in your diet!
SUGAR FLAKES provides just that! Its patented ingredients consists of:
That’s right! 100% wholesome sugar sourced only from the finest sugar resource in the world! This sugar is so pure it’s endorsed by none other than our mascot Henry the Hippo.
About Our Cheerful Mascot Henry the Hippo
And here’s the welcoming chappie with a friendly message!
Translated into English using our in-house hippo speaking assistant, that message roughly translates as this.
“EAT SUGAR FLAKES OR DIE!!!!”
That’s right! Unless you buy SUGAR FLAKES, we’ll be sending Henry the Hippo round to your property to do you in.
Henry the Hippo’s SNOWFLAKE FLAKES
New to the market is also our vegan range, consisting of no sugar and just ground up pea protein glued together by hippos at our cereal factory.
This is the SNOWFLAKE FLAKES range for liberal snowflakes TOO WOKE to eat anything like SUGAR FLAKES and its 100% pure, healthy, macho sugar.
Anyone buying SNOWFLAKE FLAKES gets a slap around the face from Henry’s tail for being woke and destroying society.
While that may seem contradictory compared to the death and destruction involved with not buying SUGAR FLAKES, rest assured that Henry the Hippo doesn’t have any genuine concept of political ideologies.
He’s simply a belligerent, malodorous beast who is triggered into mindless rampages if he’s irked one way or the other.
Henry the Hippo’s Hen Night Service
Henry the Hippo also runs a side hustle as a hen night organiser and supervisor, ensuring bachelorette parties are loud and messy.
All attendees receive a COMPLETELY FREE box of SUGAR FLAKES upon arrival. Anyone requesting SNOWFLAKE FLAKES will be immediately ejected from the party for being TOO WOKE.
Entertainment at the hen nights is provided by Henry the Hippo and consists of:
- Moving roared renditions of classic ABBA hits
- Defecation extravaganzas
- Fresh mud water beverages
- Rampant stampeding on a random whim
- Flappy ear ceremonies
Do note, due to Henry the Hippo’s temperament issues, hen nights can end in nightmarish slaughter without warning.
This can be due to, but not limited to, massive gnarly hippopotamus jaws chomping down mercilessly on tipsy guests.
SUGAR FLAKES apologised in advance for such occurrences, but waives any legal responsibility due to the The Hippopotamuses at Work Act 1972.