Nothing says “professionalism!” more than having a furious architect designing a building in a complete and utter rage.
Enter Angry Andrew’s Angry Architecture Ltd. Established in 2007, over the last 15 years Angry Andrew has designed many buildings in a state of extreme exasperation. His seething hostility is what defines this award-losing business for what it is—an alarming health hazard.
So, if you need your building designing, make a phone a phone call to us today to receive some ill-tempered verbal abuse from the boss.
Architectural Anger and Angles
Unlike other architect businesses, Angry Andrew’s Angry Architecture Ltd. functions off a sense of bad-tempered mania.
With all the misguided mania of one of Caravaggio’s brawls, it doesn’t take much to prove Andrew into a splenetic rage. And he channels this fury into some of the world’s worst building designs!
Andrew dubs his system Acrimonious Architecture (AA). The more incandescent he becomes, the more dangerously inspired his buildings are. He uses a scale to determine what, and when, to build based on his angriness:
- A bit miffed: Perhaps someone got Andrew’s Starbucks order wrong. Whatever it was, he’s narked off and sulking about things. This is a superb time for him to design a children’s playground in some park somewhere.
- Exasperated: Andrew will channel his frustrations (such as getting cut up at a junction by a boy racer) into designing BETTER junctions, ones with nice buildings by the side to dissuade boy racers from boy racing.
- Bloody well outraged: Andrew’s missus has had an argument with him and now he’s ready to build a skyscraper! Channel that energy, man, into defining a new era of poor design choices to save on budget.
- Hopping mad: OMG! Andrew stubbed his toe and now he’s REALLY ANGRY! In fact, he’s so pissed off he’s gone and designed an international space station (and he hasn’t recognised the major design flaws yet, like the hole at the back of the spaceship).
- Frothing wildly at the mouth: ZOMG! ANDREW’S HAD TO TAKE A PAY CUT! NOW HE CAN’T AFFORD A FIFTH CAR AND HE’S DESIGNING A MARS COLONY RIGHT NOW AND IT’S GOING TO HAVE A CESSPIT OUT ON THE SURFACE OF MARS BECAUSE ARGGGHH!!!
Clients can guarantee angrier work from Andrew the more angry you make him.
As such, it’s advisable to contact him on regular occasions with barbed insults, putdowns, belligerency, and petty abuse.
Architecture On the Warpath
Angry Andrew’s Angry Architecture Ltd. takes a very angry approach to any negative reviews received online (such as on TrustPilot).
Be warned, any customer leaving anything less than a 5/5 review and many platitudes will invoke the wrath of Angry Andrew. And once Andrew goes beyond the stage of “frothing wildly at the mouth”, you’re in for it! Expect the following:
- Andrew to hunt you down while the intention to angrily confront you!
- Lots of finger wagging and pointing while Andrew remonstrates with you!
- A potential kick into the testicles or, if you’re a woman, you’ll be informed you look “dodgy” and your husband is “probably blind, or something” to have married you!
Vexed? Indignant? Aggrieved? Irked? Displeased? Resentful? Beside oneself? Irascible? Dyspeptic? Tetchy? Aerated? Hot under the collar? Antagonistic? Hostile? Choleric? Foul-mouthed? Bent out of shape? Tempestuous?
Angry Andrew is many of these things and many more… but the one thing he ISN’T is the kind of guy who’ll let you get away with a negative online review! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!