Will & Space: Friendship Sitcom With Remorseless Bleakness

Will and Space the TV show

Will & Grace was a popular 1990s sitcom hailing from America. It starred hunky Eric McCormack as Will and redheaded babe Debra Messing as Grace.

The show began in 1998 and ended in 2006, before a reboot for a final few seasons between 2017-2020. Will & Grace is officially over…

But! Our idea for a spinoff is Will & Space! That’s right, hunky McCormack in space with babe Debra Messing, yo! Anyway, we’re serious. This show would win Oscars, although we’re already thinking of tweaking the established formula.

The Existential Dread of Will & Space

A highly ambitious TV show, everything was SHOT ENTIRELY IN SPACE. That’s right, off it’s $1 billion dollar budget the show was set in Earth’s orbit. Far out, right?

Starring Arnold Schwarzenegger as Will (no Eric McCormack for this spinoff, sorry), he’s an astronaut who lives alone in space. To help out his loneliness, he invents an invisible friend called Debra Messing (played by herself) who’s a total babe whom doesn’t really exist.

Will (Schwarzenegger) keeps himself busy by doing space stuff, such as:

  • Going on space walks
  • Baking cakes
  • Staring forlornly into the middle-distance
  • Dropping constant, relentless one-liners
  • Floating about the place

The one-liners become Will & Space’s speciality, with terrifically witty stuff such as:

  • “I’ll be back… in space!
  • “Come with me if you want to live in space.”
  • “Get to the spacecraft!”
  • “Get your ass to Mars.”
  • “If it bleeds, we can kill it in space.”

Asides from the one liners, the vast majority of the one-hour long episodes involved Schwarzenegger’s Will staring out into the deep expanse of space and sighing.

The occasional meteorite storms by at supersonic speed, otherwise Will & Space existed to remind viewers of the impossible enormity of the cosmos. And just how incredibly protracted (i.e. boring) long-distance space travel is.

Although praised for its authenticity of being in space, as a viewing experience the show was branded as “phenomenally dull”. However, Schwarzenegger was praised for his ability to act as a man in space floating about the place dropping one-liners.

Indeed, several critics hailed this as Schwarzenegger’s most lifelike performance. One, who wished to remain nameless, noted:

“Schwarzenegger as Will is deeply moving to behold. He floats. He stares out of space windows. He drops tedious one-liners. I, for one, found it almost overwhelmingly emotional as a viewing experience; a kurtosis of refrain upon mine very being, with machinations of nihilistic epistemology and Confucius thought relaying to phenomenological acosmism in a clever twist of anti-realist Comtism.”

However, other critics bluntly described the show as “shit” and, “It’s no wonder it was cancelled after one series.”

Schwarzenegger lamented the failure of the show, with viewing figures dipping as low as 345 people for episode three, announcing simply on social media:

“To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of the women.”

When it was pointed out this made no sense, Schwarzenegger simply did not respond further. The studios involved in the billion dollar project have all since closed due to bankruptcy.

Will & Space’s Most Boring Moments

Despite being stunning dull, Will & Space’s dullest moments are somewhat iconic in the world of boring TV shows. Here are the best worst bits:

  • Will’s Tedium: Episode four was an attempt to revolutionise TV—Will staring out of a space window for 60 minute between bouts of thoughtful sighs (and the odd burp). Instead it was voted the most boring episode in televisual history.
  • Will’s Monotony: Episode thirteen is a masterclass of mind-crushing boredom, with Will spending the 90 minute running time trying to get bits of dust from out of the spaceship’s control systems.
  • Debra Messing’s Hairdo: Episode six is, arguably, the best of the lot as it’s dedicated to Debra Messing’s excellent long flowing locks of red hair. Schwarzenegger’s best quip derives from this hair as he takes to his invisible hair, “I like your hair, Messing, but it’s a bit… messy.” This one liner was voted #137 in the list of Big Arnie quotes.
  • Arnold Noises Special: Episode eight, which cost $300 million to shoot, is dedicated to Big Arnold Noises (such as “Eaugh!“). It’s 60 minutes of Schwarzenegger grunting away, basically, and is a total delight for his fans. But a tedious chore for everyone else.

Throughout these episodes are regular four-minute long advert breaks, with re-runs of Schwarzenegger’s noodle adverts from the early 1990s.

However, as the show was an unmitigated disaster the actor has since vowed to only appear in films based on planet Earth.

Dispense with some gibberish!

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