Are you MAN enough to enter The Super Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Macho Arm Wrestling Contest!? WELL!? You’d better be, pansy pants, because we don’t welcome puny weaklings here!

Only the most exceptional hypermasculine man blokes will excel in the brutal arena of flexing one’s bulging biceps!

So, man up! Sign-up! And come on down to The Super Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Macho Arm Wrestling Contest in Bournemouth, UK, on 20th May 2023 to arm wrestle opponent’s down into the table! We’ll belch in manly fashion to that!

The Rules of The Super Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Macho Arm Wrestling Contest

Prior to attending  The Super Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Macho Arm Wrestling Contest, it’s mandatory for ALL contestants to have watched Predator (1987) to ensure they understand what being a man is all about. Namely:

• Grunting
• Saying, “You son of a bitch!”
• Being buff as hell
• Engaging in spontaneous arm wrestling—even at bizarre and wildly inappropriate times (such as demanding it of a vicar at a funeral)

After you’ve completed the above steps, you must then watch the film My Fair Lady (1962). This is so you can gain an understanding of what it means to be a dainty human female terrified of the world around you.

You’ll, thusly, come to understand the nature of:

• Flowers
• Submissive behaviour
• Acceptance of one’s lot in society (i.e. inferiority)
• Baking nice tasty cakes for man blokes

Having seen My Fair Lady, you will then REJECT those principles as you are a MAN and this arm wrestling contest is YOUR chance to prove it.

The Prizes Available

With a £500 entry fee, the spoils are yours (if you’re strong and manly enough) should you finish first, second, or third in this contest:

• First Place: $300 million in prize money, a marriage certificate to Sigourney Weaver, and a packet of strawberry Bonbons.
• Second Place: $100 in prize money, a marriage certificate to a convicted axe murderer of your choice, and some cucumber sandwiches (crusts removed).
• Third Place: You owe the competition $3,000, you have to marry Dave the grotesque janitor (he’s lonely, ok?), and you have to eat nothing but Jaffa Cakes for a month.

Anyone finishing below these positions will be subjected to a pummelling from the first place finisher.

However, all entrants will receive a free serious bout of repetitive strain injury and tendon damage in their forearms. Free sandwiches will also be provided throughout the event, although they will be of extremely poor quality.

Health & Safety Disclaimer

Entry into The Super Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Macho Arm Wrestling Contest poses a serious threat to your sense of manliness and being. Entrants must be capable of the following capacities if they wish to arm wrestle their way towards glory:

• Being in possession of at least one (1) arm.
• A mindless sense of idiotic macho bravado must be evident and provable, such as with an Instagram account packed with pictures of your rippling torso in selfie.
• Grunting and funny facial expressions galore.
• A thorough comprehension of Arnold Noises and when to use them.
• No garlic consumed before the contest!

The latter point also extends to onions, beer, and mints. In fact, competitors will have their mouths cleansed with bleach prior to the event. This will ensure they have no bad breath.

A side effect of this may lead to contestants losing their sense of smell for all eternity. If this does occur, fear not. Arm wrestling is more important and you will also avoid the horrible taste of losing when some massive bloke turns up to destroy your best efforts.