Enroll now for exclusive courses at Selfie University, the world’s leading educational powerhouse for selfie taking.

Master your pout and ameliorate annoying personality traits by forcing your grinning mug onto millions of unsuspecting LOSERS as you continue an inane mission of personal validation.

Selfie University: Degrees for Dickheads

Selfie University is the ideal formative educational experience for those desiring adulation. You’ll learn all about the correct selfie taking practices. Including:

• Total bloody self-absorbed egotism, darling.
• Not giving a toss while your Instagram feeds fills with nothing but 1,000s of pictures of your smug, grinning face in almost exactly the same pose.
• The hashtags you’ll need to reach an audience of BILLIONS!
• How to deal with the endless hordes of admiring fans (i.e. randy teenagers who only type variations of: “u iz ded fit babe“).
• The filters that’ll give you this, kind of, bizarre glow like your face has been run through a suntan glazing machine.
• Ignoring the possibility no one actually gives a toss about your self-absorption by fostering a sense of pomposity about your overall importance in the Universe.
• Photographing angles that mask cellulite you can’t get rid of, even though you spend 100 hours a week in the gym OH MY DAYS!
• How to fund for plastic surgery in later life when your crazed insecurity kicks in because you’re getting a few wrinkles in your late 30s.

Beauty is in the eye of the beetroot holder? No.

Selfie University proves once and for all beauty can be taught, is malleable, and the more of a superficial dipshit you are the more you’ll drive yourself into the ground with insecurity issues in the name of the perfect pout.

Graduation Day: The Certificate of Conceit

Once you graduate, you’ll receive your Certificate of Conceit.

Hang this on your wall of choice or carry it around with you (the certificate, not the wall) and shove it into people’s faces. This will confirm to them your vast superiority and unholy beauty. Then force them to sit through your ENTIRE feed of Instagram pictures and rate your selfies one-by-one.

Even more than your newfound sense of validated grandiosity, you can now head out into the wider world and force your weird facial expressions onto the unsuspecting public.

A Selfie University Certificate of Conceit is your ticket to a life of thousands of shares, millions of likes, and probably about a dozen or so creepy stalkers who take your posturing a little too literally.

Careers for Narcissists

Once you have your degree, you can begin applying for jobs requiring enormous levels of mindless egotism. Including, but not limited to:

• Acting.
• Modelling.
• Broadcast journalism.
• Becoming an estate agent.
• Business ownership in general.

Or you can continue studies in superiority complex by mastering a social media influencer postgraduate degree, such as becoming a bro dude on TikTok to flex your mighty man muscles and spare wods of cash.

Ultimately, the world’s your oyster.

As long as you can maintain some semblance of your 20s appearance, you’ll be A Okay. Need a canny facelift already?! Check out Dr. Bob’s Barmy Botox Boutique to get started!