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Agony Aunt: “Why do men wear graphic t-shirts on dates?!”

Men wearing graphic t-shirts on dates

Some human males just HAVE to go on dates wearing wildly inappropriate graphic t-shirts. It’s like those man blokes who take their top off in supermarkets. Inevitable.

Like, you know dude, just put a little bit of effort in. Not much. Just a tad. Maybe? Or is that feminism destroying the world again?

Anyway, we’re here to help today’s human female comprehend why human males go on dates wearing graphic t-shirts.

The Men in Graphic T-Shirts on Dates Conundrum

Dear agony aunt. My name is Maude (I don't know why my mother named me that, she just did). I am 22 and my dating life has been troublesome lately. I have no problem getting dates because I'm deffo a 11/10 in the looks department, it's just... why are men such LOSERS!?

I had 12 dates in June and 11 of them turned up in graphics t-shirts.

You know the type, with weird slogans printed onto the front to "express their individuality" and that sort of thing. After the 5th date I started asking the guy why he was wearing the printed t-shirt and it was always to snarkly say back at me, "To express my individuality, babe!"

11 guys in a row. Can you imagine the trauma of that?!

11 guys turn up in various graphics t-shirts and I started to wonder if I was losing my marbles! The problems I've got with this are:

1. It shows me no RESPECT! I'm not asking for a suit and a tie here, just at least choose something with a bit of effort

2. GRAPHICS T-SHIRTS LOOK... STUPID!!!

3. It's like the guy just can't be arsed. I imagine I go to his home and rifle through his wardrobe (if he even has one, it's probably just a heap of clothes on the floor) and all he has are graphics t-shirts.

4. Why? WHY?!

Furthermore, I think it's just a bit tacky and unattractive. It's immature, you know? When a guy wears a graphic t-shirt it's screaming out to me, "OH MY GOD! I AM AN IDIOT! I NEED SOMEONE TO LOOK AFTER ME! HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!" Like, how many women want that in their life?!

Then you get those guys with holes in the graphic tees. Or food stains all over them. Or it stinks of BO.

One of my dates was JUST like that. I said to him, "What are you, a man baby?" He was really offended by that and sulked for the rest of the date. Then he said "Give me your number, babe" and I said "You already have my number" and he looked confused for a moment and then said "Give me your Snapchat, babe" and I said "I gave you that too, man baby!" He had a strop then and stormed off cussing beneath his breath.

If these MAN BABIES are only going to wear graphic tees, then I'm going to live on an island somewhere to live with seagulls. That would be preferable to this. Is that sound? Yours, Maude

Hi there, Claude. Whilst we understand your frustration with graphic t-shirts, just perhaps consider the frame of mind of the human male you’re dealing with. He is:

  • Lost and alone in the big old wide world (i.e. single).
  • Unclear what a “tie” is and could well believe it to be a serpent from outer space there to annihilate his very being.
  • Desperately clinging to the idea the Foo Fighters are a great band, Dave Grohl is the best drummer ever, and his graphic t-shirt further assigns him to that subculture (indefinitely).
  • Convinced his individuality is best expressed by wearing stupid garments.

In short, the modern graphic t-shirt is like the mullet from the ’80s.

You weren’t around then, Claude, but millions of women in the Eighties had to date men with mullets and, it’s fair to say, most of them have still yet to recover.

Our final advice—just turn up to the dates wearing graphic t-shirts covered in curry stains. He’ll no longer view himself as too cool for school and will go out and buy a hoodie instead. Problem solved.

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