Continuing our needlessly extensive tour of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s bizarre career in one liners (peaking with our look at Mr. Freeze’s ice-based puns), here we have Jingle All the Way (1996).

Not Big Arnie’s finest film, sure, but the Christmas comedy caper did at least throw up the all-time classic, “Put that cookie down! Now!”

Does it get any better than that!? No. No, it does not. But we’re going to try anyway with an assortment of wordplay possibilities.

Put that cookie down! Now!

Here’s the original in all its cookie-based glory. Schwarzenegger has always maintained the cast and crew never knew what lines would become popular one liners with fans.

But, come on. Really? With this one? Arnold Schwarzenegger yelling about cookies? This one had pure iconic gold sugar coating the thing from the get-go.

Put that cookie down! Now! (2010s updated version)

What did the world need in October 2013? Arnold Schwarzenegger reliving his greatest hits on YouTube. This one has 12 million views. Congrats!

Put that cookie down! Or I’ll rip your skull from your BODY and watch BLOOD spurting everywhere! EAUGH!

If Jingle All the Way was a more action orientated film then this is the line we’d be expecting from Big Arnie here. Note our excellent inclusion of appropriate Arnold Noises right at the end, too. 10/10 with this one.

Put that rookie down! Now!

Yes, you don’t have time for newbies in the world of Christmas present toy rushes. All rookies should, frankly, just be terminated.

Put that bogey down! Now!

Indeed, one should never hold onto one’s bogeys for too long. Excellent life lessons for kids from this film.

Put that cookie downtown! Now!

Arnold, why would the go drive all the way downtown just to put the cookie down? That doesn’t make any sense and is also a pointless waste of fossil fuels.

As former governor of California (see the Arnold Netflix documentary) with a strong stance on environmentalism, that is plain wrong.

Put that cookie in a dressing gown! Now!

No, don’t do that. It’d just sit there for ages, go moudly, attract rats, and then before you know it your home is overrun with rodents.

Athlete’s foot that cookie down! Now!

Okay, this one doesn’t even make any sense. But we’re leaving it in anyway.

Put that cookie down! Ow!

Well, that’s what happens if he puts drops the SOB on your foot, Arnold, so don’t go all snowflake on us now with your pain threshold.

Put that cookie down! Ciao!

After successfully putting the cookie down upon request, Arnold Schwarzenegger bid the individual farewell with cool aplomb.

Put that cookie down! Kowtow!

Indeed, mate, you’d better do what The Terminator asks you to do. Or you’ll be terminated. And there’s not really much coming back from that.

Put that cookie down! Miaow!

In this version of Jingle All the Way, Arnold Schwarzenegger believes he’s also a cat. Now that is a high-concept film pitch!

Put that cookie down! Pow!

The “pow” bit is a threat, you see, so the holder of the cookie gets a punch to the chops for his insubordination. It’s an Arnold film, what do you expect?

Put that cookie down, Bennett

Here’s an intertextual reference to “Let off some steam, Bennett” from Commando. Clever, eh? It’s post-modernism.

Put that cookie down! Somehow!

That’s cute, Arnold, but it’s really not difficult to put a cookie down. You just let go of it and, typically, it’ll fall to the floor. Sorted.

And finally…

Put that Wookiee down! Now!

Chewbacca (“Chewie”) says no. Or, well, he does that screeching roar thing instead that, for some reason, is supposed to be an intelligible language.

Mind you, we’re from Chorley in Lancashire so we can’t talk about being coherent, fetler.