Hot water bottles are FOR PUNY WEAKLINGS and THE WOKE! It’s a sign of HOW SOFT WE’RE GETTING and how we’ve raised a GENERATION OF WIMPS!

The solution!? MACHO HOT WATER BOTTLES!

Armed with a hypermasculine water bottle constructed by a REAL MAN labouring under a severe strain of toxic masculinity, you can’t get anymore backward and problematic then these superb MACHO HOT WATER BOTTLES!

HOT WATER BOTTLES FOR REAL MEN WHO DRINK BEER AND GRUNT!

Here’s how we MAKE OUR HOT WATER BOTTLES AS MACHO AS POSSIBLE. It goes like this:

• The water bottles are HANDMADE by MACHO MEN whom pass our MACHO MEN hiring test!!!
• Beer is handed to all MACHO HOT WATER BOTTLE customers!!!
• Upon purchasing the aforementioned MACHO HOT WATER BOTTLES, the customer lets rip with a mighty manly bellow!!!
• The customer then heads to the gym to PUMP SOME IRON!!!

Later that day, at night and feeling a little chilly, the proud and manly MACHO HOT WATER BOTTLE owner will then fill the MACHO HOT WATER BOTTLE with beer! They will then head to bed with said item for a sound night of sleep.

Do note, it’s deemed LESS MANLY to heat the MANLY BEER prior to inserting it into the MACHO HOT WATER BOTTLE.

We STRONGLE ADVISE you to pour the beer in CHILLED so as to have a CHILLY time in bed with the MACHO HOT WATER BOTTLE and avoid having your masculinity threatened by this product.

If you HEAT UP THE BEER so as to have a WARM MACHO HOT WATER BOTTLE then you are a WIMP and we DEMAND that you return the product to us IMMEDIATELY!!!

How to be Manly With Your MACHO HOT WATER BOTTLE

Should any of your masculine geezer friends question your masculinity due to owning a MACHO HOT WATER BOTTLE you must defend your honour.

You can do this in the following ways to embrace your sense of asinine toxic hypermasculinity:

• CHALLENGE THEM TO IMMEDIATE FISTICUFFS!!!
• CHALLENGE THEM TO A BEER DRINING COMPETITION!!!
• ACCUSE THEM OF BEING PART OF THE WOKE MOB!!!
• PUMP SOME IRON!!!
• COMPLAIN ABOUT FEMINISM!!!

However, you should be sure to take great care of your MACHO HOT WATER BOTTLE. It comes complete with a beautiful handknitted cover with a fabulous and vibrant design of your choosing.

This can be removed and should be washed at 40 degrees with a detergent and fabric conditioner of your choose to keep the item fresh and fluffy.

When not in use the MACHO HOT WATER BOTTLE can also double-up as a delightful cushion to keep around your living room. It’s ideal for:

• Snuggling.
• Staring at wistfully.
• Feeling just happy about yourself for owning such a cute looking household item.
• Using as a hot water bottle.

Do keep in mind your toxic masculinity requirements when dutifully looking after your MACHO HOT WATER BOTTLE. It’s essential you maintain some semblance of anger and bigotry throughout your ownership of the item.

We suggest you regularly head online to:

• Retweet Elon Musk’s many and varied statements about THE WOKE MIND VIRUS and revel in his brilliance as a genius billionaire (as opposed to petulant and overprivileged man baby with an immaturity streak a mile wide).
• Post selfies of yourself WITH the MACHO HOT WATER BOTTLE to remind everything IT IS EXTREMELY MACHO AND BRILLIANT AND CONFIRMS YOUR VIRILE MASCULINITY.
• Use laughing crying emojis to mock LEFTISTS. 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Life with a MACHO HOT WATER BOTTLE is lovely.

Not too lovely, though, otherwise that wouldn’t be macho enough. Life without IMPOSSIBLE HARDSHIPS TO OVERCOME just isn’t what real men are about. That’s why you need one of our LOVELY knitted water bottles. 😂😂😂😂😂😂