Skipping Enforcement Enterprises Ltd. is here to ensure citizens skip. For skipping is for the good of humanity and you must skip or face the wrath of our especially brutal pro-skipping bigots.

NOT SKIPPING SHALL NOT BE TOLERATED!

That’s our motto. So long as you’re not dead, you can skip. Therefore, you shall skip! And you’ll skip with enthusiasm, passion, grace, commitment, and even lust. OR ELSE!

SKIP AND YEE SHALL SUCCEED

Since the dawn of time humans have skipped. And they continue to do so now! 

Whether it’s skipping with gay abandon in the street or skipping those obnoxious YouTube adverts, you’re a natural born skipper!

But the reality is there are some bad apples out there.

Some deviants who think that skipping isn’t for them. The result? Well, brace yourself dear citizen as the results aren’t pretty at all.

THEY DON’T SKIP.

With that in mind, just remember there are social services, doctors, and various community support hotlines to refer to. We needed it to get through such a traumatising realisation, that’s for sure.

AND THAT’S WHY WE FORMED SKIPPING ENFORCEMENT ENTERPRISES LTD., TO ENSURE THAT THERE ARE NO MORE BAD APPLES!

So, dear reader, you are tasked to bring justice to society.

Although it may seem somewhat fascistic (as it is), it’s your job to snoop on colleagues, family, and friends. Dig up the dirt. Discover their skipping habits. Do they, or do not they, skip regularly?

FOR IF THE ANSWER IS NO YOU MUST INFORM SKIPPING ENFORCEMENT ENTERPRISES LTD. AND WE SHALL COME DOWN ON THEM LIKE A TONNE OF SKIPPING ROPES!

Fascism and Skipping for the Good of Humanity

It’s true not many people denote fascism with skipping, but it makes sense when you think about it (especially when you’re quite drunk):

• Fascism: A political cause that exalts dictatorships to control the lives of the people, with a ZERO TOLERANCE POLICY of criticising the dictator! Or else!
• Skipping: Joyously ambulating over a rope swinging repeatedly in the name of gaining exercise.

Whilst some would argue the link between the two is tenuous, we must embarrassedly agree with that but move on from the issue to further enforce our draconian measures onto your community.

GOING FORTH! YOU THERE, CITIZEN!

This is how it shall be, and you shall not bicker or argue about what’s about to be laid further otherwise you will be an ENEMY OF THE SKIP, and this is the way it shall be:

• At least 6 hours of daily skipping!
• At least 3 hours of promoting skipping on social media!
• At least 1 hour of community service to promote skipping!

The rest of the time you must SPY on colleagues, friends, family, neighbours, pets, and everyone else, all in the name of maintaining the above skipping policy.

Any individual you see FAILING to maintain their commitment to the cause will be forced to endure one (or more) of the following torture methods:

• Skipping, skipping, and skipping: Adapted from hanging, drawing, and quartering, this punishment has more of an emphasis on skipping.
• Crushing by skipping ropes: The heretic must lie on the floor and be BOMBARDED with many, many, MANY skipping ropes until they feel a bit uncomfortable and silly.
• Music torture: The heretic must sit in a dark room and LISTEN to the sounds of skipping ropes on a loop for 48 hours.
• Tickle torture: Heretics will be tied to a really menacing looking table and TICKLED with skipping ropes on their feet until they can no longer bear the existence of being!
• Carrots: The heretic will be provided with a carrot to munch on. The carrot WILL NOT be organic and, thus, its carrot skin WILL HAVE LIGHT POLLUTANTS AND PESTICIDES!

Truly, the only way to run an anti-skipping society is to enforce rigid terror through skipping.

Just remember…

Skipping Enforcement Enterprises Ltd. is watching you, citizen! One false move and you’ll have the terror of that carrot to contend with! 🥕