Hysterical Screaming Services Ltd. provides hysterical screaming services. What we are NOT as a service includes, but isn’t limited to:

• Dairy deliveries.
• Kissograms (use Unkempt Ug’s Caveman Kissogram for that)
• Employment law consultancy.
• Fast food deliveries.
• A pub.

Our offering to the world is this—screaming. Whatever you need it for, our expert scream experts (Screamsperts) are on hand 24/7 to get hysterical for you!

To Live the Dream, You Need to Scream!!!

Our services are for members of the public, businesses (small, medium, and large), and orangutans who feel a bit lonely.

All you have to do is ring up and ask for a scream. One of our dedicated experts will then:

• Scream hysterically down the phoneline.
• Attend in-person to scream.
• Record a scream and forward it on to the a requested individual.

The types of screams we provide include, but aren’t limited to:

• Anger.
• Pain.
• Fear.
• Joy.
• Sadness.
• Animalistic bellows.

Our team of Screamsperts can even mix-and-match screams in a weird amalgamation process to create a uniquely tailored experience.

No scream will ever be the same! That’s because we have 10 years’ industry expertise in understanding the primal nature of screams and, subsequently, delivering them in a framework of ideational delineation to blue sky think within parameters of success.

Silence is the Most Powerful Scream

There’s an Eastern adage that maintains silence is the most effective type of scream. Do note, Hysterical Screaming Services Ltd. rejects such a notion!

We’re fully committed to offering the best, loudest, and most mortifying screams to our customers. Nothing will stop us!

Meet Our Team of Screaming Experts

Our friendly team of Screamsperts know everything about screaming! So, meet our experts to know a little bit more about the person behind the anguished bellow.

Tina

Joined Hysterical Screaming Services Ltd. in 2018 as a janitor. Has since worked her way up to be a Screamspert.

She says, “I specialise in hysterical girly-girl shrieking, like if a moth comes into a room. That sort of reaction. I’m a feminist, so it goes against my values. But they pay me and it’s easy work, plus we get free sandwiches, so I don’t mind it that much.”

In her spare time, Tina enjoys making houmous, reading voodoo novels, and knitting.

Tim

Tim is the new guy to the team! He may be but 18 years of age, but he’s brimming with enthusiasm and can induce tinnitus in a 12-foot radius around him with one of his screams.

He says, “I’m really into horror films and death metal, so this was the perfect job for me!”

In his spare time, Tim has fallen wildly in love with Tina and is figuring out how to not breach company policy by asking her out.

Patricia

Studied physics at Oxford University but, due to economic collapse and far-reaching governmental failures over the last decade, has had to settle for minimum wage work shrieking down phonelines.

She says, “Whilst it feels like a waste of the degree, I’m grateful for being able to vent my frustrations in my day job.”

In her spare time, Patricia is working on solving the quantum gravity problem of how gravity and the quantum can co-exist in the same theory. She also enjoys trolling far-right maniacs online and baking nice cakes.

Jeff

Jeff doesn’t realise it yet, but he’s going to be sacked shortly under a flimsy pre-text. Despite being our longest serving employee, we’re just sick to death of his facial hair.

He says, “This is more than my day job. It’s my passion; my soul. Without it, I’m almost certain to go on an insane shoplifting spree. Whatever lands me in jail for a long time so I can grieve the loss of my dream job.”

In his spare time, Jeff enjoys joining choirs and being fired from them for screaming instead of harmonising.

A Final Word From Our CEO

“ARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!! Hello. I’m the CEO of Hysterical Screaming Services Ltd. If you enjoy screams, we’re the service for you. Whether you need a dramatic moment at work, or added sound effects at your Halloween party, we provide you with the noises you need to terrify or induce wonder. We also offer subsidised evil laughs as part of our service, please enquire within for further detailAAARRRRRGGGHHHHHH!!!!” John Roar, CEO of Hysterical Screaming Services Ltd. 

Do note, a health and safety requirement when ordering, or dealing with, our team of Screamsperts is to wear earmuffs and mittens AT ALL TIMES when in the presence of our screaming expert.

This’ll protect you (and anyone else in the vicinity) from hearing damage, while also keeping your hands nice and warm.