Autumn is here, it’s our favourite time of year, thus we’re doing some awful poetry. We love the colours (see our history of the colour orange for more details) and the temperature drop. It keeps more people indoors and allows introverts to lollop around in public after hiding during summer.

Plus, those leaves! They put us in a poetic mood, they do. Just a shame we have no discernible talent for it, eh?

Autumn Haiku—Leaves so Orange They’re Yellow

Okay that’s enough filler, already, let’s just get on with the bloody poems of three lines (maybe) and 17 syllables (probably not).

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The Colourful Leaves

All the leaves are brown,
And the mud is also brown
And many other things are also brown*.

*Okay, let’s explain as this can’t be covered in a brief haiku. But, basically, there are many brown things in the world. Including brown jumpers, poo, bread, chocolate, the common toad, bears, acorns, almonds, and certain types of aliens.

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Autumnal Gout

A new season is out,
And it’s coincided with some gout,
Now I can’t get out and about…

∞

Drowning in Leaves

Oh my bloody hell why are there so many leaves?!
It’s like being attacked by a swarm of bees,
Or smothered in a vat of smelly cheese.

∞

It’s Getting Chilly

Everyone I meet keeps saying it’s getting chilly,
And I respond by calling them a silly billy,
Punches have been thrown.

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Buying and Wearing a Scarf

Scarves are useful this time of year,
As is drinking lots and lots of beer,
Punches have been thrown.

∞

Bubbly Bobble Hats

Bobble hats make me look like a fun person,
This is not the case,
In reality I am a total bastard.

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Manly Mittens

Even though I’m a man I wear mittens,
They are as cute as some pet kittens,
Too bad I’m such an ugly bugger.

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Autumn Food

Now that it’s autumn I just want to eat,
So I shall consume lots and lots of meat,
And I shall no longer be petite.

∞

Pumpkin Spice Lattes

I’ve just ordered another pumpkin spice latte,
Now I’m going to learn karate,
Pssst… I’m also a member of the Illuminati.

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Lovely Log Fires

It’s cold out so I’ve put the log fire on,
I sit there all snug and say “Bon!”
Then a log falls off the fire, onto my foot, and I now have third-degree burns.

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Cold Feet in the Morning

 I hate autumn because my feet get cold!
Plus, the bedroom walls get covered in mould!
To get over it I go everywhere in a blindfold.

∞

Horror and Halloween

Autumn means it’s Halloween,
But not for me cos I prefer Mr. Bean,
Even though he’s really pretty mean.