Ho ho honestly, glad that Christmas lark is out of the way for another year. Now it’s just the New Year stuff and then it’s back to normal!

In the meantime, put on your best surface acting, down a pint of gin, and cruise your way through the end of 2024 as if it was all a bad dream. Hurray!

New Year’s Haiku to Screw Over 2025 Before It’s Even Begun!

∞

Richard Gere

OMG it’s the New Year,
I’m getting myself a huge beer,
It makes me feel like Richard Gere.

∞

Doe; a Deer

There’s something about the New Year,
That makes me drink lots of beer,
Now I think I’m a female deer.

∞

Drunk on Beer

I always get drunk at the New Year,
My friends and family they do sneer,
Until I threaten them with my DANGEROUS spear.

∞

Auld Lang Sinus Problem

While everyone was singing Auld Lang Syne,
I sneezed on them and made them spill their wine,
Apparently, I “ruined their good time”.

∞

Making a New Year Toast

As the head of the family I had to make a toast,
So I used it as an opportunity to boast,
About how I’ve made friends with a ghost.

∞

Collecting Annual Memories

Me and the wife gathered all of 2024’s memories,
Like that time we were reduced to common beggary,
We made 30p.

∞

Getting Confused With What Year it is

Okay so apparently it’s 2024,
But I thought it was still 1934,
Then I walked straight into a door.

∞

Many, Many Fireworks

Why does New Year have to be so bloody noisy?!
Boom, boom, boom all bloody night long,
Boom, boom, boom, let me hear you say wayo… WAYO!

∞

Keep Pets Indoors

When the fireworks start make sure your pets are indoors,
Even if they make a mess of the floors,
Fireworks should be banned.

∞

Hype Train for 2025

Why are we exited about the New Year?
All it does is make me want to drink beer,
That way I don’t gotta live in fear.

∞

Starting the New Year With a Massive Hangover

Oh my bloody crap bags my head!
It feels like I’ve just been stabbed and I am dead,
To make matters worse I also shat the bed…

∞

New Year Hatred

I bloody hate the New Year, me!
So I go out and buy lots and lots of ghee,
And I eat it until I got a gammy knee.

∞

Disgusting Feelgood New Year’s Movies

Some of these feelgood movies make me sick!
But I know that makes me sound like a prick,
So I ran a deep bath and got in until I felt seasick.