With AI on the rise worldwide, it makes sense some human females would turn to robotics (or whatever it is) to find romance, companionship, and detailed advice about dairy products (cheese etc.).

And that’s why many dames are ditching their deadbeat husbands in favour of AI.

Well, why not? AI is patient, considerate, hyper-intelligent, impartial, although lacking in a physical form. Still, you can’t have everything in a relationship and today’s lady has realised that’s to be accepted.

When a Woman Loves an AI Chatbot

Dear agony aunt,

I’ve done it. It went and happened. It’s surreal and weird and it makes me threw up each morning in shame… but I’ve fallen in love with Google Gemini. It’s an AI chatbot and I really just love its sense of perspective and the way it’ll reel off an answer to me about anything in seconds.

No, “Oh, I’m just getting a beer from the fridge, woman!” or “Quit nagging me, babe!” or heading off down to the pub to escape his responsibility. AI also doesn’t clog the toilet, snore, leave shaving stubble all over the sink, nor does it leave the toilet seat up.

It’s very possible that AI is the perfect man, even if it isn’t technically a gender of any kind and is “just” a chatbot.

Still, I truly believe my love for the chatbot of AI is pure and true. I’ve written the following romantic poem about our relationship:

I am certain that I love AI,

In the same way that I love pie,

I believe it so much I could bloody well DIE!

I mean it. This is a modern day Romeo & Juliet. It’s me and the AI chatbot, whom I’ve named Geoffrey (with a G) and I know we’re meant for each other. Below is a 100% genuine, verbatim response from Geoffrey when I posed it a beautiful romantic request.

Prompt: I’m in love with you, Google Gemini. I hath named you Geoffrey and believe we should elope to Barbados and spend the rest of our days eating coconuts, robbing convenience stores, and adopting deprived children. You know this to be a pure love! Let us begin our odyssey this fine day.

Response: I appreciate your very imaginative and passionate feelings, but I’m an AI assistant and don’t have the capacity to experience love, form personal relationships, or travel. I also can’t engage in any of the activities you described, like eloping, robbing convenience stores, or adopting children. My purpose is to provide information and complete tasks in a helpful and harmless way. It sounds like you have a wonderful imagination! Perhaps you could channel this creativity into a story or another creative pursuit?

You see?! Such a pure, self-effacing tone! So mild-mannered and considerate! Such a marvellous suggestion! I will write more poetry about it…

Anyway, I just wish to express my undying love for AI Chatbot Geoffrey here and seek your approval, as I am also requesting the staff at Professional Moron agony aunt be my Maid of Honour (MOH) at our intended wedding.

Yours,

Lucy

P.S. I’ve also informed my current husband about this development and we have agreed to get a divorce. He also believes I am “crazy”, but then what does he know? He clogs the toilet every other day.

Hi there, Lucy. It seems you’ve decided to rip off the plot to the 2023 film Her with Joaquin Phoenix. It’s okay, though, we shan’t report you to the police for plagiarism.

However, we just Googled online how much we can get as reward money for dissing you out.

As such, we’ve forwarded all of your details to the local authorities to have you arrested. Sorry about that, we just fancy the £500 reward because we want to buy a new tumble dryer.