Mr. Wapojif

Agony Aunt: “Do women find nose hair attractive?” 🥸

Do women find nose hair attractive?

There comes a time in any human male’s life when nose hair accelerates at the speed of an F1 driver off the starting grid, driving forward huge protrusions of the stuff.

Naturally, the human male shall concern himself with whether this is attractive to other human beings. Short answer—probably not. Long answer—it sort of depends.

As such, we’re having a growth spurt on this topic and answering, once and for all, whether the woman can find a man with nose hair not physically repulsive.

Nose Hair: The Lowdown on its Attractiveness

Dear agony aunt,

My name is Dave and I’m 45 and I have nose hair. Lots of the bloody stuff. One day I cut it down using garden shears and by jamming razor blades up me bloody (literally) nostrils, but then a day later and I’m wondering why did I bother? Cos the stuff is back growing again hanging out my nose like one of them posh curtain drapes (except it isn’t posh… it’s kind of gross).

But is it gross or manly?

Like, I’m single after the wife divorced me when I drunkenly ram raided a gift card store for her birthday card, and I’m left wondering how to appeal to women now I’m bald, overweight, pretty red in the face (fags, beer, pies), and me nose hair comes on strong. Real strong. It’s really long and I got one of them contraptions you jam into your nostrils and it buzzes and chops off the nose hairs. I put that on me Tinder profile to ensure babes I’m keeping on top of me personal hygiene. Me profile reads like this:

“Alright there top totty? I’m Dave but me mates call me Dave. I am 45 and I like drinking beer, attending far-right marches, and strangling communists. I am on here to find me a new wife cos the last one were horrible. By the way, I keep on top of me personal hygiene and don’t smell of BO. I also give me nose hair a haircut regularly so you won’t be staring at no nose hair when I’m about to work some magic in the bedroom you know what I mean hahahahahahahaha lol”

I haven’t got none had no not many messages though. Reckons modern birds probably love a bit of the nose hair. What do you reckon? Should I grow it out? Be all manly? Guess it’s kind of the same as armpit hair, but it comes out of your nose. Is armpit hair attractive to women, too? God… this dating stuff is all very confusing.

Hang about…

Got me first message on Tinder!! This bird has put:

“HELLO DARLING MAN! YOU IS SUPREMELY HANDSOME! I ARE LOVE THAT OUR ARE IS GOT NOSE HAIR! PLZ SEND ME $130,000 TO BANK ACCOUNT SO I IS ARE COME TO YOUR LOCATION AND WE MARRIED AND HAPPY EVER BAFTA. YOURS WITH THE MIGHTIEST RESPECT SUMMONED TO ME BY BEELZEBUB, JUNE”

Reckon I’m in there. Problem is I don’t not got what not is what not but £130k. Do you do loans? I know you’re an agony aunt, but figured I’d try asking an all that you know what I mean?

Cheers! Dave

Hi there, Dave! We do not do loans, unfortunately, but we do offer the following complimentary services such as removing hair blockages from the bath plughole. We charge £100 for that one and our office apprentice takes care of it. Last one cried when he did it. Pansy! Does that help?

Otherwise, you could always fly to meet June yourself. She seems very keen on you. Probably love at first digital text message there, no doubt.

As for the nose hair issue… this is why BARBERS exist, Dave. Go to the barber. They’ll remove it with a process known as Brazilian body waxing. Problem solved.

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