Today we have an angry child ranting at us as their “mummy and daddy” are “very strict”. As this child’s diction and grammar were rather poor, we’ve had to sharpen some of the language up for readability purposes.

Otherwise, below is a verbatim account of one kid, two parents, and the ongoing war of whether or not the, aforementioned, kid is allowed to stay up watching Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (or not).

Strict Parenting and an Angry Kid Dilemma

DEAR STOOPID WOOPIDS!!!

My name is Claire and I are 7 and VERY VERY ANGRY with my STOOPID MEANIE mummy and daddy they are SO STOOPID it makes me smash my fave toy against a wall then they get MAD and I tell them they’re so STOOPID and it’s “YOU ARE GROUNDED, YOUNG LADY!” and I scream at them I am 7 and a PRINCESS not a “young lady” then they send me TO BED WITHOUT ANYMORE TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES!!!!!!

I just love Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles it’s my fave, fave, fave, fave, fave, fave, FAVE thing in the whole world I watch it every day I watch it at breakfast with my cereal, then at lunch with my bagel and instant noodles and can of pop, then at night when my STOOPID mummy and daddy make me EAT VEGGIES I HATE VEGGIES and then when I go to bed I watch them and Michelangelo is my fave he’s so funny and cool and funny and I want to be like him when I get older.

BUT I can’t if my STOOPID big old meanie mummy and daddy keep telling me to “Quite watching that show, young lady!” and trying to GET ME watching STOOPID things like The News and Question Time and those BORING stoopid shows adults watch they are SOOOOO boring!!!!

SATURDAY I was watching it alllllllll night into Sunday and having SO MUCH FUN and it was 3am and daddy came in and told me to go to sleep so I threw my Thomas the Tank Engine toy at his head and gave him a nosebleed it was so funny but he gotted sooooooooo mad and now I’m grounded again and can’t watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles until NEXT WEEKEND so I “learn a lesson” and what is the lesson?!!?!?!? I go to SCHOOL I learn in lessons there they don’t have lessons about Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles I asked Miss in math class and Miss said that Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles isn’t a “life skill” I would need to know when I grow older and so I called her a “stupid old woman” because she’s 25 and I got told off in front of the whoooooooole class for being “rude”.

You adults can help me so tell me why are you adults SO STOOPID and what should I do break my dad’s legs or something in REVENGE?! I need Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles!!!!!!!!!!!

Cheeriooooo! LOTS AND LOTS OF LOVE from Claire

Hi there, Claire! No, we don’t recommend breaking your father’s legs just yet.

The tried and tested method for kids like you is to kick his shins in. That and to call your mommy a “stupid old woman” as that’ll rankle her something rotten. You just have to repeated this process for the next eight years, then you’ll turn 15 and can become a stroppy teenager. That brings with it a world of joys of their own.

As such, we postulate to you, Claire, just to keep doing what you’re doing. Stick it to the system! You watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle and in so doing you’re doing your bit for society. Congratulations!