Some human males are more skilled than others. For example, some human males understand how to use a knife and fork to shovel food into their stupid faces.
Sadly, and alas, others are lacking in this fundamental life skill. FOR SHAME! And today’s damsel in distress whines like a petulant brat over this one, whilst expecting us to help her out. Well, it’s going cost her.
Basic Knife and Fork Skills for Husbands
Dear agony aunt,
I’m Linda (54) and my husband is Mike (also 54). We’ve been married for three weeks (I’m 16 times divorced, here’s hoping Mike is 17th time lucky!!!) and so far I’m finding him a bit annoying and obnoxious. We met on Tinder and after a whirlwind romance of five days we went on a cruise and he proposed to me on the cruise and I had no problem saying “Yes!” because I have major insecurity issues I should have seen a therapist about a long time ago.
Anyway, we got married, spent £30k on a lavish wedding, but during the, said, wedding I noticed Mike couldn’t use his knife and fork. His mother was at the wedding cutting up his food and spoon-feeding it into his mouth and congratulating him on his progress through the meal. I found that weird, but figured at the time they were probably drunk, but then on our honeymoon and many subsequent meals IT IS THE SAME THING.
HE EXPECTS ME TO SPOON-FEED THE FOOD INTO HIS FACE. He can’t use a knife and fork!
Naturally, I demanded to know why he hadn’t learned this crucial life skill at the age of 54. He said it’s because he either users his fingers and hands or his “mummy” feeds him…
He told me that last week and I’ve been in a daze ever since. I’m so confused I’ve forgotten how to bathe and haven’t been to work in days. My boss phoned me to ask what’s going on and I explained to him my husband’s mortifying lack of life skills. My boss explained that shouldn’t stop me from completing my job and so I’ve had to quit because of that bastard and I’m claiming a constructive dismissal (forced to resign due to heinous circumstances) and am pursuing an employment tribunal against my employer, while suing my husband for being an idiot.
Thoughts?
Linda
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