When a human male does his coffee in the morning, there’s the appalling task of having to rid the coffee grounds from the cafetiere into a bin/sink. This is akin to the human male struggle of dealing with stubble in a sink.

Whilst a horrifying sight for any human female to have to deal with, the reality is a lazy man bloke can clog a sink in mere days. Such as with today’s damsel in distress, whom has to try and deal with a mass flooding incident at her home.

(Coffee) Grounds for Divorce?

Dear agony aunt,

My no good, SOB husband Gary not only leaves STUBBLE IN THE SINK… he also has recently taken up drinking coffee. That wouldn’t normally make me very angry, but he makes it all in this fancy pants £300 cafetiere and then when he’s done he washes the grounds DOWN THE SINK!!!

Sorry. I’ve calmed down now. But the problem is, after just one month, all that ground coffee clogged up the sinkhole and then that all seeped down into the foundations of the house. The foundations imploded on 19/01/2026 and the house is not listing to one side. This is all because of his coffee addiction!!! There’s nothing else for it, we decided to abandon our home and flee the country. But we were stopped at Hastings port as my husband was drunk and disorderly. As it stands, we’re not trying to start a new life in Hastings (even though there’s NOTHING to do here).

We had to go back home and the house had listed even further by that point, kind of like in that film Titanic. Our lives are a misery, not because of the angle (well, sort of) but because my husband CAN’T make his coffee in the kitchen. He’s really goddamn grumpy without his caffeine hit and it’s really pissing me off in turn. Furthermore, our cat Fluffy (yes, that’s its name) doesn’t like the angle and so has cleared off to live with the neighbours.

This is all because of coffee grounds.

My question, therefore, to you is how can this problem be resolved? We’ve been married for 10 years and this is the limit! Our home is in ruin, we can’t have coffee, he’s being a prick… the home is floating in a slurry of Arabica brewed fresh. You know that song “Walking on Sunshine”? Well we’re resting on mouldy espresso. It isn’t the same thing. Is it time to divorce the bastard?

Yours,

Miranda

There’s a lot of toxic negativity going on there, Mirry (do you mind if we call you that for short? Thanks!), so you need to think carefully if it’s GROUNDS (!!!) for divorce or not. We understand your house is leaning, but maybe grab a coffee and try to reach a settlement so you don’t let the trouble brew.

True, he’s mugging you off a bit here with what he’s done.

It’s time to filter out all the noise, Mirry, and think about what’s best to keep your love life percolating. Being full of beans is the best bet in life, not a miserable old git. Don’t give a frappé? Then why did you waste our time? Sort your life out, woman!