Some human males are more special than others. As is the case with human males whom don’t wash their hands after they’ve urinated (gone for a slash, peed etc.). These special beings deserve admiration and societal respect.

However, today’s human male is indignant as he is not getting the respect he feels he deserves. Indeed, it truly is a sad reflection on society the day a man can’t go for a piddle and then leave the bog minus handwashing. Truly, the reflection of a communist state if ever there was one!

When a Man Doesn’t Wash His Hands After Taking a Leak

Dear agony aunt,

I’m a very special type of man superior to others, yet it bears the burden of brilliance that few in the history of humanity can comprehend.

I do not wash my hands after taking a slash/wazz/urination etc.

Society sneers down on exceptional beings such as myself, I know, and I, therefore, know it is down to myself to shoulder this burden and carry it through until a generation of society is more accepting of my genius. For you see, I’m capable of going for a pee and not pissing all over my hands. That takes a very special type of aim, a particular and distinctive intellect, and yet were I to admit this at work I would be pilloried for my intrinsic bravery. For shame!

But I am not ashamed! I AM PROUD.

And it was when I rewatched Fight Club again the other night that I decided that ENOUGH IS PEE-NOUGH! That is why I have started a non-profit organisation for great men like me. It is called: Piss Club.

I briefly thought about calling it Pee Club, Urination Club, and Exudation Club. But, no, the name needs to be direct and to-the-point and Piss Club is just that. So far we have 13 members. It’s not much, but it’s a start, and we meet every Thursday night to discuss our feelings (in a manly way, that is), drink beer, then use a bucket that’s placed out in the open to go and take a slash in. And, no, of course! WE DO NOT WASH OUR HANDS AFTER.

For this is a free club celebrating personal freedoms, liberty, and freedom of urination.

Yesterday, I distributed a company-wide email where I work calling for more members to join Piss Club. I was reported to HR, must now face a disciplinary hearing, and everyone in the office thinks I’m a bit weird. THIS! This is the type of appalling discrimination we few special men must deal with on a daily basis. To not be able to walk into a bathroom, get your junk out, wazz, then leave the bathroom because everything is perfectly normal. Instead, the expectation is to STAND THERE for about 15 seconds washing your hands with (gay) SOAP.

A greater injustice there has never been foisted on the good men of this Earth. I write to you today to please spread the message of Piss Club. Spray the message far and wide. There is only a £200 entry fee, then after that you’re a member for life.

Remember—handwashing is a lie spread by soap companies to get men to buy soap.

Yours sincerely,

Jeffrey Smith

Jeff, you really are a clueless dickhead.

To everybody reading, this is why you should always wash your hands after shaking hands with a man bloke.