Do you want to get fit AND be drunk? Then the Gin Gym located off the big roundabout (you know the one) in Preston city centre is the place to go!
Because sweating it out, one drunken blackout at a time, is a CLINICALLY PROVEN (please note, it is not clinically proven) way to get pub body ready.
💪🍸 Gin Gym: Sweat it Out, One Blackout at a Time 🍸💪
Going to the gym and getting wasted is the ultimate biohack, the best of both worlds, and it’s guaranteed to leave you hydrated, dehydrated, and mentally unstable.
Think wellness and rock hard abs is about alkaline water and raw organic kale? Bullshit! Lies! Corruption!
The path to a body of an Adonis is through the ancient science of what we call Anaesthetic Hyper-Training. BECAUSE WHY DO WEAKLINGS FAIL? Pain. That’s why. But when you’re pissed senseless on gin, you won’t be able to tell your body is crying out in agony after your 130th bench press.
Sign up today for £200 a week and train 24/7. That’s because the gym is open 24/7. Yes, you can get drunk and work out whenever you want! Or, join one of our tailored drunken sessions to get you flabby arse in order.
If you sign up today, you’ll get a COMPLETELY FREE pint of gin. Sign up tomorrow and you’ll get a PINT of gin in a HALF PINT glass. Sign up next week and you get sod all.
Gin Gym Class Schedule
We offer daily classes for dedicated alcoholics and other hopeless losers leading aimless lives. These sessions ensure total drunkenness, but also allow you to keep somewhat toned belly flab so as to impress members of the opposite sex.
Sessions start from 6am, include mandatory gym drinking, and last until 8pm (if you’re still conscious, you’ll get a free pint of water to rehydrate yourself):
- 6am – High Intensity Training Liver Power Hour
- 8am – Dance Cardio and Vomiting
- 12am – Slurred Speech Circuit Training
- 3pm – Afternoon Nap
- 5pm – Swimming Lessons (in a 90% gin pool with 10% chlorine)
- 7pm – Drunken Brawl
- 8pm – Sessions Close (Bar Opens)
By 8pm, you’ll have consumed around three pints of gin. Once the bar opens at 8pm, you can then party the night away until you either die from alcohol poisoning or get rushed to hospital to have your stomach pumped.
Gin Gym Special: Chat Up Line Workouts
Our experienced, expert alcoholic gym instructors are also speciality trained in cringeworthy chat up lines. Please note, these have been tried and tested and may (or may not) result in a slap to the face:
- “Are you a Gin & Tonic? Because I like them, and if you are one, that means I like you, too, babe.”
- “Is it hot in here or are we about to cause a localised distillery explosion?”
- “This may just be the gin talking, but one look at you and I think I’m going to have liver failure.”
- “Are you a Sloe gin? Because you look like a terrible decision it’ll take 72 hours to recover from.”
- “You look like a Navy Strength 57% ABV gin. In a good way!”
- “Do you believe in love at first sight, or am I just pissed on gin again?”
Head out into wider society armed with these bad boys, you’ll be sure to pull a 10/10 banger before you can say, “I have consumed far too much gin this fine day”.
