As world-renowned physicists here at Professional Moron, we thought we’d take a break from being super serious and don our dunce caps (for once). Indeed, therefore, for what follows are jovial, knee-slapping physics haiku designed to find the fun in ferromagnetism.
Physics Haiku for the Discerning Word Nerd
∞
Thermodynamics
Energy is useful,
That’s why I drink 10 cans of Red Bull a day,
I believe it stops me from turning gay.
∞
Relativity
In my opinion Einstein was a bit thick,
If anyone disagrees I’ll hit them with a brick,
E = mc².
∞
Algebra
Algebra is the study of algae,
That’s that stuff what is all over the place in ponds,
It is stupid.
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Electromagnetism
Sometimes I think about the fundamental forces of nature,
Then that reminds me of former UK Prime Minister John Major,
Then I buy myself a new pager.
∞
Quantum Mechanics
I’ve long since mastered the behaviour of matter and light,
That’s why I now prefer getting drunk and starting a fight,
My black eyes are one hell of a sight.
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The Standard Model of Particle Physics (🦆)
Elementary particles are kind of interesting,
Them things called quarks go quark quark quark,
Ducks made the universe.
∞
Quantum Gravity
Quantum this and quantum that,
It’s all a bit poncy and old hat,
Black holes are dumb.
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The Theory of Everything (ToE)
This is an unsolved problem in physics,
Like how to stop cornflakes going soggy,
The cornflakes issue needs a new political lobby.
∞
Gravity
Stuff goes up,
Stuff goes down,
But I like sitting about in my dressing gown.
∞
Black Holes
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again,
Black holes are dumb,
Now excuse me while I chew on some gum.
∞
Spacetime
Apparently space curves like a boomerang,
I don’t buy that it sounds stupid,
Because the universe is flat.
∞
Calculus
Continuous change is an interesting thing,
Like standing in a really big bin,
After drinking a bit too much gin.
∞
Causality
Light cones make the world go round,
You can buy them at the supermarket for a pound,
Ice cream light cones are very tasty.
∞
Motion
Stuff changes position all the time,
Like if you drink loads and loads of wine,
Then pass out on the floor at 9.
∞
Time
Existence progresses whether you like it or not,
When you think about it that’s a bit like snot,
Sometimes you just can’t control the plot.
