Think about it—one of the times you’re at your most EXPOSED and VULNERABLE is when you’re using your hoover. Let the horror of that realisation sink in.

Bet you’re quaking in your shoes, right? Teeth chattering? Perspiration breaking out all over your brow?

You… IDIOT! What have you been thinking!? You need to buy The Vacuum Cleaner Shotgun IMMEDIATELY! Your very life depends on this lifestyle and general hygiene development!

The Shotgun Hoover Keeps Your Family Safe and DESTROYS (!!!) Dust

The customers receives TWO items for the price of one:

1. Vacuum cleaner
2. Shotgun

The shotgun is welded to the hoover with an extra special welding technique we’re not going to tell you. But it is, basically, just like welding. But better.

Thus, the owner of the product can vacuum in 100% safety. That’s free from the threat of:

• Communist invasion
• Leftists storming your home with SJW leaflets
• Aliens and/or immigrants
• Satan
• Cold callers trying to sell you cheese
• Inquisitive rodents

Should any of the above, or otherwise, force their way into your home, then simply use the vacuum cleaner shotgun on them! Thus, you have saved yourself, your family, and democracy itself.

Do note, it helps considerably if you have the item running 24/7. Otherwise, you’ll have to inform any intruders to wait patiently while you get the product out of the utility closet, plug it in, and fire it up. Intruders are rarely patient, thus the only option is to have the product ON at all times.

Yes, this is very loud, irritating, and leads to inordinate energy bills. BUT WHAT PRICE ON YOU AND YOUR FAMILY’S SAFETY!?

How This Wonderful Shotgun/Vacuum Cleaner Combo Came to Be

When our CEO Randy McSonofabitch invented The Shotgun Hoover in 1974, he was in jail at the time due to armed robbery of a vacuum cleaner store. During his seven-year incarceration, Randy had a good, long, hard think about his crime. This was his key takeaway.

“While I slopped out the buckets and mopped the blood out of prison cells, I spent a lot of time thinking about my crime. ‘This wouldn’t have not needed to not have happened if I’d just had a shotgun vacuum cleaner…’ That there right then was the big moment. I knew my destiny. I’d break out of this jail, knife some guard on the way out, leg it one, and then find my fortune with this business concept!”

Unfortunately, Randy was caught during his escape attempt and two years were added to his sentence.

Once released, he took up a job as a mechanic in a garage. He then spent the next 50 years working as a mechanic, blocked from pursuing his business dream due to a truly DISGUSTING ban on him owning firearms.

The twisted legacy of his supposed “crimes”.

It wasn’t until 2024 that, with the ban removed, Randy McSonofabitch could finally complete his business legacy! Unfortunately, the day after the product launched Randy stormed a convenience store with the product and robbed $40 and 12 packets of bubblegum.

He’s back in jail, but is really pleased to have the product on the market and available for purchase. BUY IT NOW! You can keep your home safe or YOU TOO can try robbing a convenience store*!

*Please note: Robbing a convenience store is illegal and will result in your arrest and probably incarceration. DO NOT rob a convenience store.