Agony Aunt: “My boyfriend can’t make the bed!” 🛏️

The horror of an unmade bed in a relationship

Making a bed is one of the most important life skills for any human being. Without this ability, a bed is forever tussled, messy, and sleep would be a HORRIFIC ORDEAL.

Thus, when one has a USELES SOB of a boyfriend (human male) whom cannot make a bed… well, that opens up a world of pain. A world of pain, that us as agony aunts can heal with magical powers!

When a Man Can’t Make a Bed

Dear agony aunt,

My boyfriend is called Simon and he’s 32 and he can’t make the bed. Let me repeat…

32 AND HE CANNOT MAKE A BED.

We’ve spend the last three months arguing about this furiously, but he continues to plead innocence. Even when I slapped him across the face when he said the bed should “never” be made or it’d upset the “Bed Gods” (an obvious made up lie to try and get himself out of making the bloody thing) he didn’t budge on the matter. He smirked a little bit, that’s why I slapped him. I know violence is wrong, but his attitude right now makes me want to give him a really nasty Chinese burn.

Anyway, I we’ve been seeing a relationship therapist about this for the last month. Because I want this bed issue brought right to the front of our relationship. I screamed at him in the session last night, “HARRY! IF YOU DON’T SORT THIS SHIT OUT, WE’RE GETTING A DIVORCE! IT’S ME OR THE BED!”

He looked really well narked off about that and embarrassed. He blushed. The therapist is male and I think I just demasculated (or whatever the word is) in front of him, which is fun.

But we can’t “get a divorce” because we’re not married (as it turns out). News to me, I thought anyone could get a divorce from anything.

Whatever, the relationship therapist has said that:

I need to find some “inner peace” and “concentrate” on my “anger management issues”

He (my boyfriend Harry) needs to focus on “channelling his independence” and help out with household chores

He suggested we take a romantic holiday somewhere to a hotel where a hotel maid will make the bed for us for several days, allowing us instead to focus on “our feelings”.

My feeling is I want to punch Harry in the face.

What do you reckon?

Ta! Jane

Hi there, Jane! Your relationship therapist is clearly a knuckle-dragging imbecile, what sort of IDIOTIC advice is that?!?

Hotels, hotel maids, discussing your “feelings”… no, no, no!

That is not how it is done.

“Oh, how is it done, supreme Agony Aunt overlord?” Good question! Well, it our learned experience you can either break his (your boyfriend’s) legs with a sledgehammer, or you can buy a hammock. We suggest the latter point as hammocks are great fun and require very little need for bed making.

Alternatively, depending on how wealthy you are, you may wish to buy a robot slave.

Robot slaves are superb as they never get tired and don’t complain about anything. Indeed, we can recommend the Robot Bed Maker 2.0 for its state-of-the-art abilities. It can: