In today’s rage filled world, nothing screams TRUE LOVE quite liking hating everything before you in a wave of mindless misanthropy. And if that sentence doesn’t make sense to you, it’s because you need Spite in your life!
Spite is the world’s first dating app that puts your irrational disgust at stuff around you as the leading reason why you’re a hot catch. Hate people who walk slowly on pavements? Men who use speakerphone on public transport? Women who chew with their mouths open?
Then this is the app for you! Get Spite! Get dating. You’ll be married (angrily) before the month is out.
Find the Spiteful Love of Your Life
At Spite, profiles are generated by ranking 200 petty irritations from 1 to 10. The algorithm ignores hobbies, values, and physical preferences, matching you strictly on shared visceral hatred.
We offer our customers a three-tiered subscription model so you can get the most out of your casual malice:
- Cheapskate Package: £50 a week, this option has bare bones features, but does let you see Spites (the people who like you) and send messages.
- Petty Package: £100 a week and lets you see Spites, send messages, and ramp up the antagonism by using swear words and video chats detailing everything you already dislike about the person you’re messaging.
- Malicious Dickhead Package: £200 a week for full misanthrope. All the core features, plus use our patented AI technology to save time on generating spiteful messages! Our AI will create your obnoxious messages, leaving you free to leer at the world some more.
The goal of Spite is to get a date, all while being as spiteful as humanly possible. For example, you may agree to go on a date with someone but then NOT SHOW UP AT ALL. Just out of pure spite.
Do malicious things and you get 10 Spite Credits added to your account every time, which add to your overall Spiteful score, making you increasingly undatable each and every day! Aim for the 10,000 Spiteful Top Score and congratulations!! You get a free month on us an an official undatable loser, all born out of your own insufferable malevolence!
Check Out Our Petty Customer Testimonials From Horrible People You’d Never Want to Date
“Hi there. I’m Red Flag Ryan, a walking red flag zone but women want to date me anyway because I’ve got a jawline what don’t quit. Then they talk to me for 30 minutes and realise I’m a total wanker. So that’s why I joined SPITE to offload all my ill will on the dating world. Went really well. Now officially classed as the most Brad Pitt like bloke unlikely to ever get a date and that takes goddamn skill and commitment that does! Me mum will be proud.” Callum from Bolton of Greater Manchester
“I had a big grudge on society and so I joined Spite. Maxed out the 10,000 Spiteful top score in two weeks and am now classed as officially undatable. Celebrated by reading The Daily Mail and blaming feminism for all the problems patriarchy-driven capitalism is responsible for (i.e. everything).” Dave from Burnley
“Needed to improve my deep-seated bitterness and overall rancour, so I signed up to Spite with the Malicious Dickhead Package. Within weeks I was a much more obnoxious and objectionable arsehole than I’ve ever been before in my life! Was really pleased, although everyone else around me has cut all contact. Wankers.” Harry from Wigan
“Can’t afford Tinder so I tried out Spite. Within 3 days I’d completely changed my worldview from a happy-go-lucky type to a hate-filled tosser who finds everything annoying. My best friend has suggested I commit myself. I did just that and am now typing this from a hospital ward. Still using Spite. Still feeling a bit spiteful.” Laura from Preston
