Is It Possible To Build A House Out Of Avocados?

The avocado. Soon to be made into a building block for a house.

First off, the avocado is a fruit. No, it’s not a vegetable. Technically it’s a large berry, but (much like the tomato, which is also a fruit, except you can’t make sauces out of the avocado – in theory, anyway. Perhaps that’s one for another blog post, eh? “Marmite, Haggis, and Avocado Soup” – watch this space!) they work really well with salads so you’d have to be clinically insane to include one in a Fruit Salad. And you’d have to be positively delusional to make Avocado Ice Cream! However, SHOCK HORROR, they’re very good for you (in moderation) which makes a nice change as they’re super tasty. Most super tasty stuff makes you look like Jabba the Hut *giggle snort guffaw*. So, you have half an avocado and it’s 1 of your 5 a day, and it’s packed with good-for-thee oils and other such nutritional guff only scientists understand. So you should be eating the little darlings, then!

However, the big question we’re interested in is the one in the eponymous blog title you’ve already probably noticed. Yes; can one build a house out of the avocado? It’s a reasonably sane enough endeavour to pursue, but obviously (were we to carry out this scheme) we’d need a large segment of fiscal backing. Any contributions from our readers would be welcome (we’re looking to raise around £700,000 for the 150,000+ avocados we figure we’d need to attempt the first building). To find out about this project read on for details which will leave you flabbergasted, postulated, procrastinated, and obligated. What ho, jeeves!

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The House

So it'll look like this, but greener.
So it’ll look like this, but greener.

Okay, so this is what we’re aiming to replicate. Obviously it’ll be a lot greener once it’s completed, but we reckon it’ll look quite fantabulous when merged with the green grass and the blue sky. Indeed, it’ll be somewhat difficult to make out, meaning there would be a greatly reduced chance of burglary! The house itself (the white thing pictured) is one in Estonia which is modelled on something in Balmoral, Scotland. Architecture abounds, eh? Especially when it’s constructed out of a fleshy fruit thing!

Avacado Numbers

We're guessing several billion of these could well be required.
We’re guessing several billion of these could well be required.

With our design indicated we should expand on our notion of 150,000+ avocados. This is a rough estimate. We’re guessing it could actually be anywhere between 12 (admittedly this is probably not feasible considering the size of the structure we have in mind), and 17 billion. Rough estimates are usually the best bet when it comes to these sorts of decisions, and all we need to do is convince some insane millionaire of the merits of our project. “What are the merits, Professional Moron?” Erm… avocado sales will improve.

Construction

Hammers may come in handy if the super glue lids prove difficult to budge. One whack and they’d be orf!

We figure we’ll need about 300 slav… workers to make this building happen. We figured we’d round up loads of chefs and get them to peel the avocados, then whip them mercilessly until the building is done. And, with regard to the general construction of the Avocado House, we think the best bet is to generally mush the whole lot together and then shape it all into the image of the house. Obviously additional super glue might be required for tensile strength, but other than that it will purely be avocado based.

Is It Possible!??!?!?!

World Domination awaits?

When one has a dream the only way one can make it occur is through the passion of the individual – thusly we would arm Mr. Wapojif with a spade and send him round rich people’s houses until we have the necessary funds. We intend to build the Avocado House just in a Manchester suburb – East Didsbury would probably do it, right next to the Parrs Wood Entertainment Complex. Sorted! This is going ahead, so keep your ears peeled, dear readers, for we are about to make history!

And finally, the pertinent question of…

What Would Be The Social, Political, And Economical Ramifications?

The thing we live on.

How the hell should we know?

2 comments

    • Ah, we neglected to broach this subject; absolutely NO consumption of the Avocado House. On pain of no cake for a decade. Let’s face it – no one would be able to go cake free for 10 years. Innit.

      Like

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