Poppadoms are great and all that, but they’ve never really evolved on a culinary level. In the wider world, stuff has happened like sausage dogs (not the food) evolving into giraffes – the sausage dogs which remain as sausage dogs are the ones who are afraid of heights. Wimps. Incidentally, sausage dogs (the food) evolved from gherkins!
Whilst we dearly love poppadoms, we think it’s about time they got the explosive culinary levelling up they deserve. Like Cloud hitting level 50 in Final Fantasy VII, it’s time those poppas got it on! Which is why we’ve invented (yes, another bloody food invention – just call us wannabe chefs too mentally unstable to make it in a professional kitchen) this: the Boomadom! It’s like the poppadum, but with explosive ingredients!
For you see, “pop” doesn’t cut it in today’s high tech world of extravagance and flamboyance. Indeed, why go “pop” when you can go “krakaboooooom!”? Or, in this case, simply “boom”. We don’t want to take things too far too quickly. You know?
Poppadoms are thin, crisp, disc shaped food which looks much like a Frisbee. Toss one of these blighters around, though, and the thing will simply disintegrate pathetically. Truly, the poppadom is a fragile beast. Boomadoms possess a more, shall we indicate, deadly throwing power. Indeed, fling one of these across the room and you’ll wipe out half your house!
Not that the boomadom is too dangerous. It’s simply made out of flours such as chickpeas, rice, tapioca, lentils, and trinitrotoluene – better known as TNT. Some of our many critics have suggested this is insanely dangerous. We’ve pointed out their vapid accusations are, well… vapid. With one almighty WARNING label on the front, and the requirement of a certificate indicating your sanity from your GP in order to purchase, it’s not like these things are going to be easy to buy.
Indeed, this is why we’ve only created a limited stock of 20 boomadoms. Order now, whilst stocks last! We’re easy to find, we’re the office near the fireworks factory in the rough neighbourhood where offices keep getting robbed. We’re sure, however, our boomadoms won’t entice any hoodlums towards devious acts of depravity!
Boomadoms are available by email request at £100 ($200) a boomadom. Order today!