Before the kitchen scourer people had to use their bare knuckles to scrape food bits off their other kitchen equipment (such as pans, plates, cutlery, scythes, and bazookas). It was a barbaric time where folks would develop horrifying phobias of mushy, uneaten bits of food – this phobia was eventually named as photosynthesis.
Kitchen scourers are also known as scouring pads or, more simply, a scourer. In modern kitchens they’re as indispensable as a perpetually outraged head chef who beats everyone with a pan if the mallard en croute is a tad too dry. Now that’s ubiquitous! So, dear readers, read on with your eyes for further information.
The Kitchen Scourer – A Brief History
Scourers were patented in 1941 by Joseph R. Crockford (no doubt a crockery fan, was Crockford) but it was only in 1988 that Hans J. Hartmann introduced sponge to the equation. Until this point scourers had been bricks with a bit of scouring material sellotaped on the other side. Naturally, this would make the scourer plunge into the depths of a murky kitchen sink the moment a hapless dish washer let it go.
For millennia prior to these advances, dish washers had had to use old rags, their hair (including beards), knuckles, old newspapers, deceased rats, the kitchen mop, or even their eyebrows to get their jobs done. As aforementioned, ’twas a barbaric time when one couldn’t trust the implements with which you consumed food with.
Nowadays kitchen scourers are streamlined and proficient – one can scrub at your dishes with great relish and furious anger and your trusty scourer will be up to the task! It’s a glorious time in the history of the kitchen scourer – it is the golden age, and we hope you appreciate this fact.
How to Use a Kitchen Scourer
Using a kitchen scourer is a difficult process which takes years of study and practice. Indeed, restaurant dish washers must go through many years of studying in order to partake in their soulless, minimum wage task of scrubbing plates and cutlery until they possess some semblance of shininess again.
Obviously, most of us don’t have the time to head off and earn an MA in Kitchen Scourer Usage. As a consequence, we’ve provided a handy guide here based on our decades of cleaning the dishes at home. First, one must acquire a kitchen scourer. We recommend scourers such as the ones pictured below.
Suitably acquired, once you have kitchen implements which need cleaning you must seize hold of the scourer, jam it into a bowl of washing up liquid, and scrub with wild abandon at whatever comes within your reach. Please note: there is the possibility of decapitating your limbs from your body when you are using a kitchen scourer, so please wear rubber gloves.
Of course this is all virtually nullified if you own a dishwashing machine, but we’re writing on the premise you get your backs into your kitchen scouring! Only the true master chef would dare to take up a kitchen scourer with pride – bear this in mind for the rest of eternity.