Exclusive Recipe: Egg and Pineapple Soup!

Egg and pineapple soup!
The ingredients you’ll need: eggs and what constitutes half a pineapple. You just need some pine and you’re all set!

You may have noticed we invent a lot of soup based recipes. This is because we love soup. Love it! Our latest creation is our best yet, without a doubt, and combines two of the finest ingredients known to humanity. First we have the humble egg, for which there are so many uses (such as pelting them at working class scumbags). Then there is the pineapple, which is what Marge Simpson would look like if you ate nothing but salt for a month and then watched The Simpsons.

Combining the two may appear like the behaviour of madmen. Combining the two into a soup may seem even more deranged, but pushing the boundaries is what all true creatives do and, indeed, Professional Moron certainly has delivered many great, great recipes over the years (who could forget our Pot Noodle sandwich?). Thusly, let us delve into what we’ve got in store for you today.

Egg and Pineapple Soup

Egg and Pineapple soup is one of those recipes which, once consumed, will peel your eyelids back and make your nose hair recede dramatically. Indeed, it’s rather the potent recipe! In our office the dish has induced moments of unrestrained glee, bouts of chronic depression, agonising stomach cramps, hallucinations, and prolonged periods of caterwauling. Which is odd, because we’re not, nor ever have been, cats.

To begin with you’ll need 12 eggs. Get a pan of vegetable oil spitting wildly under a raging flame (you’ll need a small lake of oil in the pan) and fry up the eggs – don’t be afraid to add a humongous dollop of butter. Once thoroughly cooked, add this lot into a blender (including the oil) and add the sliced segments of a whole pineapple. Blend this lot like a crazed SOB and add the gelatinous goop into a pan.

Of course, for those of you with a sweet tooth out there (or, indeed, a sweat tooth, should you have denture based perspiration issues), we recommend you pour several soup spoons worth of sugar and salt into the pan at this stage. After this you’ll need to add another 12 eggs (yes, that’s 27 eggs so far – this is egg soup after all, dumbo!), so crack the mothers in and stir into the mix. Whack the heat up and let the bubbling mass of egg and pineapple froth wildly for a good 5 minutes, then dish out into bowls, add whipped cream, let it cool a bit, and you’re ready to rock!

Eggscellent Calories!

Please note, with going on 40 eggs in total this soup is packing a marginally healthy overdose of some 3,000 calories. And that’s just the egg. The pineapple, butter, oil, and sugar take this son of a gun over the 6,000 calories mark! Whoo whee, wave goodbye to your New Years revolutions!

Regardless, the taste is pretty epic. It’s like eating a fried egg which has been drizzled with, believe it or not, pineapple. Admittedly this is a strange combination of flavours, but then so is apple and chocolate and people eat those two together every now and then and don’t complain vociferously, do they? Groovy! We’re on to a winner.


  1. Calories… schmalories! Who cares when you’ve mastered a recipe worth its weight (& probably more) in cholesterol? Congratulations!
    Hahaha! & To think at the onset of this recipe, I thought it would include pine needles & apples. Hence pineapple.
    Of course, you are a humorous lot here at Professional Moron, so I am always trying to out-guess you. Again, you have gone beyond even my attempt to understand the pale, your wit.


    • I’m tempted to try and make this thing for the interesting pictures. Scientifically, it’d be worth my time. Plus the pictures! Perhaps next weekend. Why not this weekend? As I am busy combing my hair.


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