Exclusive Recipe: Caviar Soup!

Caviar soup
You’ll need plenty of this stuff for caviar soup (no, it’s not rabbit droppings).

Some recipes are richer than others. Indeed, some people need to be super rich to afford recipes such as the notoriously expensive beans on toast. But, by Jove, you can even be moderately impoverished and still enjoy our latest splendid creation – caviar soup! Indeed, what could be more accessible and affordable than salt-cured fish eggs? Nothing! Not even normal eggs.

Poor people, such as working class scumbags, will have no problem feeding a family of 13 with this recipe. They won’t grumble about it either as it looks analogous to gruel and, of course, gruel is a mainstay in working class scumbag diets. However, now everyone can rejoice as they take to caviar, the world’s best type of fish eggs… in soup!

Highly Affordable Caviar Soup!

Caviar is the central ingredient to this soup. You’re going to need a lot of the stuff – probably about 10,000 eggs per bowl. Indeed, we also highly recommend you have a bag of sea salt handy to up the salt content in caviar soup – we all know soup isn’t really soup until it has, at the very least, three times your recommended daily allowance of salt!

For this soup, we heartily recommend Caspian Caviar Royal Beluga. We’ve chosen this one as it’s delicious and affordable for one and all. Caviar soup should not be enjoyed only by the rich and stupidly rich, it should be available for even the lowliest rungs of society. Before you ask, this brand of caviar is a mere £1,000 ($1,421) per 500g. If even this paltry amount surpasses you, consider stealing a few jars from your local Walmart to enjoy feasting on this delicious comfort food.

You need around 2,000g of that, so set aside £4,000 ($5,684) so you can make this meal. You’ll enjoy it to such an extent you’ll probably want to make this meal around two to three times a week, which roughly equates to about £48,000 ($68,000) a month in soup. As we’ve mentioned, this piffling amount is nothing in pursuit of soup based loveliness.

Preparation and the Taste Test

Right then, how do you make it? Simple! Empty the contents of the caviar into a pan, turn it onto maximum heat, and blast the SOB until it’s bubbling like crazy. At this stage add around 6g of salt to the mix, stir some more, and then dish out into a bowl! NB: This meal is only enough to serve about one person (two if you’re really small), and it isn’t particularly filling, so only use it as a starter (unless, as aforementioned, you are very small).

It’ll probably come as no surprise to you this SOB tastes a great deal like caviar. Massively so. If this isn’t your thing you can drown out the overriding caviar taste with more salt, or you can add a dollop of marmite or serve with several pop tarts to liven things up a bit. It’s your starter, you can do what you like! Enjoy.

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