You know chives? Good, aren’t they? You know archives? Not so good, right? When we think of archives, we tend to refer to that level on Goldeneye 007 on the N64. However, archives are typically these things where stuff (such as information about other stuff) is stored in order to allow detectives and scientists to easily access information, such as the rain pattern in Bolton on some arbitrary date 70 years ago.
Due to the similarity in the names of these things, the general public has long been confused with which item is which. There have been many tragic stories of individuals seeking chives and accidentally tipping records and documents onto their food and, subsequently, choking to death on the paper. Similarly, many fine police detectives have made elementary errors by turning to chives for clues on cases instead if hitting the archives like Mulder and Scully. How does one end this perturbing state of affairs?
Our Chives or Archives?
Simply by making a distinct difference between the two things, and to do this we’ve created a new recipe made almost purely out of chives! The herb is one of the lesser known in this world, but it’s chive-esque taste is what helps it to stand out from its peers (such as parsley and haggis).
Thusly, our simple chive recipe (it’s chives in a bowl – add salt and pepper at your leisure and consume) isn’t much of a recipe, but then neither is cheese when you think about it. No, we’ve created this thing to begin a social revolution (we also plan to make a load of money, of course) and end the great chives and archives debacle which has plagued humanity for eons… kind of like the plague did.
Unfortunately, our premises is situated right next to the largest archive in the North West of England, which means our chives recipe may not be distinct enough to redirect wayward officers of the law and recipe enthusiasts. It is a most pressing dilemma.
To clear up any confusion on the our chives and archives issue, we’ve decided to name our chive based product Are Chives. Thusly, our Are Chives production centre is parked not at all perplexingly next to Manchester city council’s central archives centre. Confused? We sure as chives are!
Still, the public will be too bowled over by the staggering failure in grammar one can observe in the Are Chive name to know what’s going on, which will allow us (by a fortuitous happenstance) to hock our chives at significantly increased prices to a clueless public. Success awaits!