Evolutionary Theory: Why Does the Yak Have to Yak so Much?!

Yak yakking
Yak: “I may be down and out but I’m sober today, dammit!”

Yakking is the perennial habit of having to yak – by this parlance we mean talking to an excessively lengthy or even prolixity heavy level. People who yak often describe themselves as “bubbly”, which is a definition for most other people which means: “an extreme irritation”.

The yak is a long-haired bovid which is the tramp of the bovid genus. Utterly unkempt and mildly analogous to modern day Nick Nolte (Mr. Nolte was considered a Hollywood hunk when he was younger), the yak does its thing by making loud noises which can be considered as yakking. You may, or may not, subscribe to the consideration the yak is a touch loquacious. We sure don’t! Thusly, we’re here to exonerate the yak of its name and put blame on stupid humans and their stupidity.

To Yak or Not to Yak?

The yak is one of nature’s most banal looking creatures. It kind of looks like a really hairy cow, thusly rendering it an odd mix between a bull, cow, horse, and a small amount of the hedgehog (arguably, in that we argue this possibility).

It typically grazes on fields making grunting noises of satisfaction in between bouts of defecating and urinating. The grotesque noises it racks up certainly would suggest it can be added to the list of things which yak too much.

The yak can be domesticated, of course, and you could add one to your household for the princely sum of a few thousand pounds or dollars. Given the malodorous nature of these beats, we’d recommend you at least keep it in your garden. If you don’t have a garden, don’t buy a yak – that’s our saying.

As for the notion they yak. No. They stink like rotten cow manure, but they don’t make a particularly offensive amount of noise. Indeed, humans have to be the nosiest creatures in existence. Give a dog a bone and he or she is happy and adorable – give a human a smartphone and he or she becomes a colossal irritation and danger to themselves. So, humans, you have a lot to answer for!

Sounds Like a Load of Yakkity Yak to us, Professional Moron!

You can’t argue with science, fools! Evolutionary theory has taught us that humans need to yak in order to dial out the staggering nihilism which surrounds them. Similarly, the yak must dial out the abject banality of its existence by dressing up as Nick Nolte as, you know, whilst he may be off the rails he’s at least having an exciting time due to this.

In conclusion, whilst we feel we’ve not established anything but incoherent gibberish today, it has allowed us to repeatedly use the term “yak” across a wide variety of spectrums (by wide we mean two). Consequently, we expect this blog post to rank extremely well for the keyword “yak” which should claim us more organic search traffic as we scale Google’s SERPs through mindless inanity.


  1. Wow, I did not realize how adorable the Yak is visually. I’m in love! (I really am…how lovable!)
    Also, I’m inspired to design a Yak sweater. Of course it would be made from sheep wool and cotton, and wouldn’t yak at all. However, I’m sure Nick Nolte & all smart phone bearing humans would be crazed to own one.
    Wish I had a Yak of my own, but I don’t have a yard.


    • They are kind of cool looking. Oh man, a yak sweater (or gown) would be amazing! You could force Nick Nolte to wear one as well, that’d be the moment of the effing year!

      No yard? No problem! So long as you have a working bathtub the yak will patiently and proudly stand in it for a few minutes without being too distressed.


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