Posthoumous: A Dystopian Story About Houmous Gone Wrong!

Posthoumous!
What?

Hello, idiots! We decided to post a short story Mr. Wapojif wrote in 2016 up on this here site. You can find it at here: Posthoumous. It’s about a dystopian near future which has happened where houmous reserves have been drained and, bloody hell, it’s all gone a bit mental!

It’s 6,000 words and a bit rough, but if you fancy a giggle this is a solid way to pass some time. Please direct any complaints you may have to Professional Moron, who will direct these to our nearest wall for a thorough debrief.

Posthoumous

Just to drag this post out a bit further, we should indicate this is essentially science-fiction. We don’t really go in for that, but it’s preferable over allegory or parable etc. Primarily, this profound piece of writing fits snugly into the world of the absurd, where nothing really matters and it’s all rather glorious for it.

If you happen to find any semblance of yourself in the characters depicted in this fictional tale, you are delusional and we recommend psychiatric assistance. If you feel houmous is depicted unfairly in this tale, direct all of your complaints to the fictional International Houmous Committee (ITC). They won’t handle any of your concerns.

Rest assured, if you’re offended by its statements you can sod off. Houmous doesn’t have time for your belligerence and neither do we; stuff it and switch to taramasalata if you have a problem. Ultimately, just remember condiments may only be condiments, but without them your life is nothing. This is why this short story will have an impact which lasts for a thousand pitta bread dips.

Choose Life? Choose Posthoumous!

8 comments

  1. Great story Moron! (I already know I need psychiatric assistance, thanks) It’s a damn crime that those science fiction contest people didn’t see this masterpiece. It warns us of the impending houmous crisis facing our world today. I also learned I’ve incorrectly spelling houmous for my entire life.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks, dude! I was offended as well, which is why I smashed up their premises with a bag of potatoes. Allegedly.

      As for “houmous”, there are a wide variety of spellings. Go with what your inner voice tells you.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Okay, so, I had to read this twice before I could comment coherently.
    After the first read, which I liked from my Art Gowns blog, I fell weeping to the ground, believing there should be a special Art Gown dedicated to the chickpea, ergo humus, houmous, houmus, hummus, etc. and the IHC.
    Now, back to my senses, I wonder why I bought such a large stash of hard dried chickpeas to store in heavily glazed earthenware for the next 50 years.
    I should have bought ready made hoummous, and filled a massive deep freezer with it.
    In 50 years, all I would have to do is thaw it out. As it is, I’ll have to make homus from scratch.
    I should have taken Sir Fistfoot’s advice, and stared into the middle distance. Unfortunately, I am hideously nearsighted, and can only stare at the short distance.
    “Posthoumous” is a terrifying Sci-Fi tale, which can probably be dragged out into TV Series for cable!

    Like

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