Most people have a ladder kicking about their home. Some of you may have even used it once or twice in the last three decades. Ladles, we’re sure you’ll agree, are somewhat more prevalent in your day-to-day existence – they’re the things you use to dish out soup, gravy, or to beat your husband mercilessly when he “forgets” to use the bog brush.

We’re fairly certain you’ll be in agreement a merger of the ladle and the ladder would be a positive thing for society. The chance to get your ladder out, dust on top of that cupboard, and then return to the kitchen to dish out the soup to your expectant family… it’s one of those moments which will bring a tear to your eyeballs (or maybe that’s because one of the many errant ladles has lodged itself inside your skull).

The Laddler

Okay, let’s cut the crap – cooking for your family is akin to taking on Rasputin with a blob of blu-tack: a nightmare. It’s a personal war in the kitchen – you got to boil that rice just right or little Orlando will burst into tears, convert to Communism, and storm upstairs to smash his iPhone in protest. The little git!

This is where the laddler will stop that. With exquisite precision, you will be able to manoeuvre the laddler (which is made up of three dozen ladles) around your kitchen, clattering it off your products and causing untold damage and destruction as you cook (don’t forget to dust atop the cupboards whilst on your clumsy rampage). Your family will be too taken by all of this mayhem to notice if your soup tastes like soap!

If they do give you grief, you’ll be able to batter them with a spare ladle! Yes, you can dislodge ladles from the laddler so you, consequently, have a LEGO type kitchen implement and household DIY product. You can shapeshift it into many other useful products, such as a toilet cleaner (ladles are great for getting those difficult to reach spots around the U-bend), and then you can return to cooking up your family’s dinner – often simultaneously! How mega is that!?

For Singletons (with hate)

If you’re single, of course, you don’t have to worry about a sneering mass amongst your brood threatening to act out the explosive intentions of the nuclear family. Indeed, and if that sentence was just too clever for you, this means you can resort to using a normal ladle. If you do that, then you won’t have an effective ladder within reach at essential moments when cooking – this would be a disaster.

As a result, we’ve invented the mini-laddler to accommodate weirdo singletons who don’t need the normal laddler. Standing at half the height of the original, single folks can stand atop of the contraption and then perform the rest of their intended upwards motion intentions by leaping with gusto towards the aforementioned intended upwards motion destination (i.e. a bottle of Lambrini on top of a kitchen cupboard).

We’ve trialled the mini-laddler in the Professional Moron kitchen and noted its propensity to result in shattered limbs and screams of bloody murder after jumps went awry, but at half the price it’s certainly worth a look. Maybe indulge in some jumping lessons, or hire a pole vault, so you can complete the rest of your jump with ease.

We tried the latter, but this led to Mr. Wapojif flying out of the kitchen window – luckily, he lodged in the large tree just outside, so the rest of the staff went out and drove the Professional Moron van into the tree to knock it over and safely get him down. We later superglued the tree back, but last night it fell over again and landed on our neighbour’s house. They’re now homeless. lol. Such is the price one must pay for good soup.