Agony Aunt: “HELP! Why can’t I say ‘mankind’ no more?!”

Why can't I use mankind in conversation
Mankind in action… where are the females?!

A look at mankind today and where it all went wrong with this word. Anyone who uses it is a bit, you know, dumb. It’s okay if you’re using it to describe men, but then the other gender is kind of skipped out in all of this giant leap for humankind stuff. For some, it’s all gotten a tad confusing. Ho hum.


Greetings. I are Frank and I are 90 year old. I'm getting confused by a lot of things lately... the world is moving at such a rate. Everything is changing. It weren't like this back in my day, except with the arrival of air travel, TV, cars, the atom bomb, WWII, computers, and all that jazz, but other than that you knew your place back in my day and everything was straightforward. Men belonged at work, mankind landed us on the Moon, and women was for... nothing, really. But now it's all "mankind" is wrong and I'm so, so confused. Help! Brian

Hi there, Brian. Thank you for taking the time to write into us. At your age, I appreciate you will have a lot of spare time and you will be writing to many publications, so thanks for choosing us! Pertaining to your query, it is sad the times change, but if they didn’t we’d still be firing gay people from a cannon into the Sun. As for gender power structures, it’s easy to simplify this for you.

The Three Types of “Kind”

Due to libtards, progressivism has ensured everything is a lot more complicated. Indeed, now one has to put the effort in to be nice to multiple genders, races, ideologies, and CHRIST is it hard work when you have such a disastrously low IQ. As such, there are now three types of kind which we shall clarify.


Encompassing men such as Albert Einstein, Dick Trickle, and Daniel Day-Lewis. This is what’s known as “mankind”. Men are oblong creatures who like drinking beer, scratching themselves, and leering at women. Some men prefer leering at other men. Mankind’s greatest accomplishment was inventing the toaster.


Ladies such as Fanny Cradock, Sigourney Weaver, and Theresa May are women. In modern life, women play increasingly powerful roles in shaping the world. Most recently, women such as the Spice Girls have ensured we all can enjoy zigazig ah and dancing about in skimpy clothing. Womankind’s greatest accomplishment is inventing the hair straightener.


This is the collective term for humanity, combining the best and worst of males and females into a generalised notion of humanity. Men and women don’t always get along, but together they are able to make a formidable sandwich making unit. Humankind’s greatest accomplishment is the sandwich.

In Review

Okay, Brian, we hope this has cleared things up for you. What’s important to remember about the use of “mankind” is it’s somewhat ignorant, so using “humankind” will ensure you don’t get pelted with rocks by feminazis. Indeed, the law will soon be changed to ensure anyone who does use “mankind” will receive 30 years in prison – that’s the price one must pay for social progress.

For old duffers like yourself, it’s not going to be too much of an issue as you’re, like, not going to be on this planet much longer. This may seem a bit brutally honest, but then that’s why you sent a message to us, remember? Anyway, get yourself an ice cream and chill out – you deserve it!


Dispense with some gibberish!

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