Exclusive Recipe: Noobulbs (bulbs made out of noodles)

Bulbs and noodles make a good mix
Evocative, huh? Add in some noodles and it’s eggvocative… lol.

You all know what a bulb is – it’s that thing up there in your ceiling which allows you to see where you’re going come evening time. You also all know what noodles are – they’re those things which look like spaghetti, but aren’t spaghetti at all. No. They’re noodles, which you’ll need to turn on a bulb for in order to consume come evening time (never eat noodles in the dark – strangulation hazard, you see).

This got us thinking. What if you could combine noodles and bulbs together to ensure you always have the visibility available to you in order to consume the noodles? This is when we had a eureka moment – noobulbs! Yes, it’s noodles and bulbs merged into one product to provide you with the opportunity to slake your noodle-based desires no matter the time of day!


The real beauty of noodles is how easy they are to eat (except in the dark). The real beauty of the dark is it facilitates your need to snack at night. Admittedly, that’s not “real beauty”, but it is if you’re desperadoes such as ourselves seeking a get-quick-rich scheme and all that. Consequently, the noobulb is a brilliant way to ensure the human person of night time orientation can consume noodles safely and securely.

When inventing this invention, the real problem was how to get the noodles to wrap around the bulb. Indeed, the other problem was how to get the bulbs to come on without any electricity – then the idea hit us: radioactive lightbulbs! Yes, each bulb is dipped in nuclear waste stolen from a secret location in the UK, affording it the merry glow of a standard lightbulb.

The creation process is simple – in the Professional Moron office bathtub, there is a gelatinous vat (not VAT – you’ll be charged for that later) of nuclear waste into which we carefully dip each lightbulb. The bulb is then delicately wrapped in freshly steamed noodles and encased in one of those tubs you find Pot Noodles in (except bigger… we’ve got to fit a bulb in, you know).

To cook, all the noobulb owner has to do is peel the lid back, add boiling water, vomit uncontrollably due to the initial effects of radiation sickness, and then consume, with relish, the delicious noobulb! Flavours include strawberry and charcoal, mint and marmite, celery, and marmalade with chutney.


When chowing down on the noobulbs, be aware the glass is ever-present and is prone to lacerating your mouth once you munch down on it. The bulb has a tendency to smash and then, as you continue to eat the noobulbs, your lips, tongue, and inner mouth will start spewing forth red stuff. This may become alarming enough over the course of several minutes, as such we recommend you have some bandages and plasters to hand once you’ve finished your meal to patch yourself up a bit.

Regardless, with the noobulb you’ll, at least, in the nuclear afterglow be easily able to see yourself in a mirror as your face will be lit up like a Christmas tree which has been doused in petrol and set alight. A Christmas tree bonfire, if you will, which will mark the dawn of a new generation of noodles, ensure you can see yourself at all times, and make you the most flamboyant noodler in history.


Dispense with some gibberish!

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