Exclusive Invention: The Flying Pan (better than the frying pan)

Frying pan
The frying pan on its flight to Barbados via Radcliffe.

Frying pans are used for frying stuff, but they’re largely stationery (as opposed to stationary). The problem with frying pans is they just sort of sit there the rest of the time, plus you have to manhandle them about the place in order to get stuff from the frying pan onto a plate (or straight into your stupid, big, fat mouth).

The flying pan changes all of that. The flying pan is a frying pan that flies. Thanks to a smart chip, the frying pan can be controlled via your smartphone – it can swoop, it can soar, it can accidentally spill searing hot oil onto your skull, and makes cooking frytastic. Don’t delay buying, because you’ll be dying to get frying (with the flying pan)!

Flying Pan

So the flying pan is a normal frying pan, it’s just kitted out with a scaled down combustion engine and propellers to ensure it can fly about the place. You know those Amazon drones (the ones that keep exploding, colliding with moving objects, or crashing violently into the earth)? It’s like that, but with a frying pan.

You stick the device on your hob and fry up whatever you want. Right now, we’ve got a craze for getting a solid inch of olive oil spitting away ferociously over a maximum heat flame, then throwing in a load of mushrooms and onions. It goes ballistic, it’s incredible! But the true beauty of the moment can be enhanced… through flight.

Indeed, once you download our bespoke Frying App Pertaining to Pans (FAPP), you can sit back and guide your flying pan around your kitchen. Whilst it spits and bubbles away like crazy, you can guide it past amazed friends and family (it’s a neat party trick in the event of a dinner party), and delight them with your control skills. Or, if you don’t like one of them, tip a load of oil onto their lap and watch them scream in unbridled agony. You can blame that one on turbulence!

Really, that’s about it. You cook stuff as normal, then fly the flying pan around. So, yeah, it’s a gimmick with no real purpose – it’ll only cost you £100 ($150), though, so why not drop us a cheque? We’ll personally fly out beta test model directly to you, free of charge, despite it’s tendency to struggle with ascending, whilst also being prone to curd strike (like a bird strike, but with curd).

Moronic Air

This is all part of our expanded business plan, which is to launch Moronic Air in Q4 2018. We’ve got two converted jumbo jet knockoffs from the 1980s we’ve decked out with flying pans to amaze guests with (primarily to distract them from our terrifying lack of efficiency and high probability of going AWOL on international aviation radars).

Currently, we’re planning to run flights from Manchester to Easter Island, Fjuckby (Sweden), the mountain Wank in Germany, and Piles in Valencia. The flights will probably be coming back again, depending on if they make it there in the first place. The planes seem to struggle violently with reaching 5,000 feet. It’s like they’re scared of heights, or something.

You can book now through Moronic Tourism, our new tourism office. Call our expert team today to find out more about Fjuckby, Wank, and Piles, plus how much you’ll need to pay us in order to “procure” (i.e. steal) one of the Moai heads from the largely deserted Easter Island. Here’s a hint: it’s going to be a bloody lot. Up, up, and away!


  1. Huh! My frying pans already fly, and I don’t need an app. Well, that’s probably because I’m accident prone. Nonetheless, the hot spitting oil is just as nasty when it lands on good friends! Good luck with the new airline!


  2. I’ll buy a ticket! Then I can compete with flying saucers and other aerial crockery. Any chance of flights between Penistone in Yorkshire and Urenui in Taranaki? It’s a place and river on the north-west coast of Taranaki in NZ’s North Island. The name means ‘Great courage’, but another translation is, roughly, ‘large gentleman’s apparatus’. (Really – check it out here: https://nzhistory.govt.nz/keyword/urenui )


    • Ah, the glorious Penistone in Yorkshire. Best in the North of England, that ‘un. I’m sure we can take an erratic detour from Easter Island to take some of that in. You’ll certainly need great courage to use our airline.


Dispense with some gibberish!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.