FAQs: What Is Water & Do We Really Need To Drink It?

Water
See that? It’s water.

Water. It’s been pretty useful this last week, what with the heatwave and everything. Not had a heatwave? Lucky you! In Manchester, where it’s normally cold and rainy, we’ve been, like, hot! So a lot of water has been consumed to keep hydrated, as opposed to not hydrated (dehydrated). But this begs the question… what even is water?

What even is water?

Water is a type of liquid that’s see through (but not invisible). It wobbles when wobbled, quenches thirst when one is thirsty, and you also use it to bathe in so you don’t end up stinking. Truly, it’s a useful liquid (but not as useful as Coca-Cola).

Why is water so wibbly?

Water wibble-wobbles as it is a liquid. These tend to mutate and bend in a manner one could consider sorcery. Do not be alarmed by the wibbles – water just does that.

So what’s ice, then? BEcause, last time I checked, that doesn’t wibble or wobble.

Don’t get sarcy with us, you rejects, we’re just pointing out the facts here! Ice is water that has issues, simply put. To cure the water, you heat it up and keep it away from difficult conditions (i.e. subzero temperatures).

Is adding an ice cube to a glass of water a type of cannibalism?

Adding ice to water may seem strange, but it’s no different from, for example, a hedgehog living in a hedge. It’s just one of those things – don’t freak out about it.

Is water an ingredient?

Sort of, yes, in the way cement is an ingredient for buildings. It holds everything together, but you don’t really have it up there with black pepper (or iron girders), you know?

Are tears water?

Tears are for snowflakes. That’s a different type of water, funnily enough.

Can I drink snow?

No, as a snowman will grow inside your body. You don’t want that.

What is dehydration?

Good question! This is where you don’t consume enough water, ice, or snow. If you’re dehydrated, you’ll have to go to the toilet a lot less often. This is good as it will help you do more productive things, plus you’ll have less opportunities to wet yourself. Bonus!

What’s the difference between drinking water and normal water?

You can’t just go drinking any old water you find! If there’s a rank old puddle in the street, who knows what’s happened to it. A dog might have piddled in it, some drunken chav then might have spewed a little near it, then a tramp might have gobbed in it. If you then go and take a good old fashioned slurp out of the thing, unwell city is where you’re heading.

What are water bottles and do I need them?

Water can be contained in plastic bottles. This is, however, leading to all of the world’s problems. Water bottles should be made out of better materials in the future, such as concrete, guano, steel, or carbon fibre.

What are hot water bottles, then?

When it’s really cold, cold enough for water to have issues and turn into ice, then hot water bottles can be used to warm up a bit.

How much water should I drink every day?

Good question! Drink as much as you like, but keep it below 40 litres. Drink too much water and you could die hideously. Don’t drink enough and you’ll also die hideously. To find the right balance, listen to what your body is telling you. If it’s saying “I’m thirsty”, then go and have a drink already!

And finally… is there water on mars?

In Mars Bars? A small residual amount, probably. If you’re thirsty, don’t drink one of those, though. You’d have to melt it down first and we really can’t see it being that thirst quenching. You’d be better off heading for the aforementioned dingy puddle, you know what we mean?

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