Flicking Bogeys at Work: Laws on Polite Workplace Nose Picking

A hand with aggressive fingers picking a human nose
Indeed.

When considering employees picking their noses at work, you must also take into consideration the possibility of bogey flicking.

This heinous practice is, indeed, practiced by many members of staff. And it causes serious consequences in your working environment.

It may, for example, lead to employees punching each other. This is bang out of order. As such, our guide explains how to ensure it never, ever happens on your watch!

Laws on Bogey Flicking at Work

Under the Flicking Bogeys at Work Act 1974, the flicking of boogers is strictly prohibited under international law.

For the record, bogeys is nostril matter that is plucked from within by a finger. And the flicking of the bogey by a stray finger is the offense under examination.

Also for the record, bogeys, boogers, snot, and mucus all qualify within the aforementioned Act and there are no exceptions should an employee claim otherwise. For example,

“I didn’t flick a bogey, it was merely some mucus.”

That is immaterial and the employee is liable for instant dismissal. However, that would be the case in a perfect world.

The Boogers at Work Act 2010 also states booger flicking is allowable “within reason”.

This Act was introduced to ensure employees with so much snot blocking up their nostrils they can’t work, can alleviate themselves accordingly.

As such, employees may pick their nostril and flick a bogey under the guise it’s better for their productivity.

The confusion both Acts brought about resulted in a 2021 consolidation of the Acts, which is now under effect as the Snot, Boogers Bogeys, and Mucus (Miscellaneous) Act 2021.

Under this Act, the Flicking Bogeys at Work Act 1974 and the Boogers at Work Act 2010 are still in effect. However, employees must pay for their own tissues at work.

The hope is this extra expense will lead to bogeys remaining in noses.

However, others in employment law circles have argued it will merely encourage more booger flicking in wild abundance.

And so there’s another consolidation Act on standby titled the Nostril-Based Mucus (Miscellaneous) Act 2022.

It’s currently unclear what that Act will do, but insiders have reliably informed us it’ll seek to allow employers to shoot any nose pickers dead with a gun.

Your Bogey Flicking at Work Policy

Due to the total confusion on this matter the various Acts (awaiting or otherwise) have created, the bogey picking situation is currently tumultuous.

Some employers allow a policy of a free-for-all. However, other employers stamp down on the matter with draconian might.

It’s your decision as an employer whether you prefer mucus to be all over your carpets, walls, and members of staff.

But good business practice is to endeavour your property (and those within it) aren’t smeared with unsightly boogers.

As such, we recommend you maintain a strict policy of no bogey flicking.

That’s unless the need to do so is on a life or death basis. As in, if the employee doesn’t pick their nostril it would result in the immediate end of their life.

Under these circumstances, you must stipulate you allow employees to use whatever implement is required to extract the snot.

CEOs Set the Standard

As the most important person in the world (the boss of a business), you need to lead by example.

As such, ensure you aren’t observed by your employees:

  • Picking your nose.
  • Examining the contents on the tip of your index finger.
  • Sniffing the contents at the tip of your finger.
  • Eating the contents at the tip of your finger.
  • Flicking the booger at anyone. Including at yourself.

Indeed, it’s good business practice to refrain from touching your nose at all.

Let it go wild. Grow your nose hair out to hippy length, replete with hanging boogers like stalactites, and embrace the Snot, Boogers Bogeys, and Mucus (Miscellaneous) Act 2021 verbatim.

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