You want tents? Here are tents! More tents than the human eye can see!
At Ted’s Terrible Tents Ltd., we have over 30,000 tents in stock in a massive warehouse here in Scunthorpe of the UK.
But don’t worry! We can deliver our tents wherever you may be in the world, including airlifting them to Mount Everest should you need a new tent!
Tents for Gents (and dames)
Airlifting isn’t essential. You can turn up by car and choose from a wide range of tents.
We have big tents. We have small tents. We have medium sized tents! However, we don’t have any of the following sizes:
We apologise for such an inconvenience. If you are a very large human being, you’ll have to sleep outside of a tent.
Perhaps buy a tent anyway and you can cuddle it while you lay unprotected in open wilderness area. Yes?
About Our Airlift Deliveries
Should you be on Mount Everest or Rum Doodle, you may find your tent destroyed by an avalanche, stolen by bandits, or simple inadequate.
If that’s the case, order a better tent online!
Terrible Ted’s will have the tent airlifted straight to your destination, even if you’re trapped on top of the mountain!
However, there is some peril involved. On several occasions we’ve had the helicopter pilot lose control and veer into the mountainside, the helicopter exploding in a ball of flames and killing all inside.
Do note, should this situation develop your tent will also be destroyed in the hellish fireball.
Ted’s Terrible Tents Ltd. operates a no refund policy. You’ll need to order another tent and have it airlifted to the summit.
If you think that’s outrageous and terrible then, yes, you’re right! Welcome to Terrible Ted’s!
However, is the cost of frostbite worse than if you just spent another bunch of your cash getting a tent delivered? Exactly.
About Terrible Ted’s
Terrible Ted’s was founded in 2015, after our CEO Ted was released from prison after serving 30 years in jail for murder.
He’s said he’s paid for his crimes and now he wants a new lease of life as a simple tent salesman, here to sell tents to other non-criminals. Terrible Ted’s motto is:
“Only DEATH stops tents! *evil laugh*”
So, if you’re not dead then why not come on down to Terrible Ted’s and you can meet our CEO in-person!
Did you know he once cleaved a man’s head off with a chainsaw? He’s quite the character (Ted, not the decapitated bloke).